Ingabe kukhona isidingo sokuphumula ebuhlotsheni? Yiqiniso, uma usondela kule nkinga ngobubi obungathí sina, ungacabanga ngokushesha ukuthi isinqumo somlingani wakho sokuthatha "isikhathi sokuphuma" singasabeka futhi ngisho nesignali esesabekayo. Omunye akufanele acabange ukuthi isinqumo esinjalo siyoba buhlungu kakhulu futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nokuhlukunyezwa okubonakalayo kuphela kusukela ohlangothini lwesifazane. Ukuziqhenya kwamadoda nokuziqhenya kuyolimazwa kakhulu kangangokuthi ummeli wezocansi oqinile angakwazi ukudikibala nokucindezeleka isikhathi eside.
Kodwa-ke, isinqumo sokuthatha ikhefu senziwa kaningi, kokubili ngokubambisana kanye ne-unilaterally, futhi singenza njengesivivinywa, ukuhlolwa, isibonakaliso, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nokuqiniswa kobudlelwane bakho.
Okokuqala, uma inkinga enjalo ixhomeke emoyeni, ingabe siqala ukuzibuza ukuthi yini eyabangela imbangela? Kungaba yini isizathu sezinyathelo ezinjalo ezinjengokuphumula okwesikhashana komunye nomunye?
Ngokwezengqondo ze-psychologists kanye ne-sexologists, isisekelo sobudlelwane obuqinile futhi obuhlala njalo ngumphakathi othize ezingeni lezingqondo nezingesinye isikhathi. Ngamanye amazwi, yilokho okushiwo yizinto ezivamile, ukubukwa kokuthandayo kanye nezinye izici zenhlalo nezengqondo ezakha ukunamathisela ngokomzwelo okuqinile nokuzinzile okugcina abantu ndawonye iminyaka. Esigabeni sokuqala sobudlelwane, okuyinto egcina iminyaka emibili noma emithathu, abantu bangase babe nesithakazelo nokukhangwa omunye komunye, kodwa uma kuthiwa, izifo zomzimba zizophehla, yini eyohlala isici esibambe abantu ndawonye? Uma isifiso sesilwane sisho ukuthi, ubulili obukhulu kwakuyisisekelo sobuhlobo, bese kuthi emva kwenkathi ethile izinkinga ezinkulu zizoqala futhi lo mbhangqwana ungase uphele nekhefu. Noma kukhona indlela yokuhlola imizwa yakho kanye nesisekelo sangempela sobuhlobo bakho, ukuhlela ikhefu ebuhlotsheni.
Okokuqala, kufanele ucabange ukuthi kungani isizathu salesi siqephu-isilinganiso, ukuthatha ikhefu, futhi ungaphuli ubuhlobo ngokuphelele. Mhlawumbe, kungabikho kwalokhu uxhumano lwangaphakathi ukuthi isizathu silele? Esinye isizathu esiphazamisayo singase sibe ukungenelela komuntu wesithathu, esimweni lapho isigamu sakho sesibili sitholile khona "okufanelekile" okukhethwa kukho. Lapha, isisombululo kuphela futhi esiphezulu kakhulu igebe, ngoba ngokwenza ngalesi sikhathi esisodwa, ungalindela ngokuphepha uphinde uphinde wenze izenzo nezinkinga zokungaqiniseki ngokuhambisana kwakho. Ukukhuluma ngokuhambisana. Kungenzeka ukuthi iningi lezinkinga zakho libangelwa izidingo ezidlulele ngokweqile. Iqiniso liwukuthi abantu abaningi empilweni yabo banolwazi lobuhlobo obuhlangene nabangaphezu kuka 3-4 abantu. Futhi ngokufanayo, okungenani okuhlangenwe nakho okunjalo, izidingo ezingaphezulu kakhulu ezihlobene nomlingani. Ngenxa yalokho, ukudumazeka kuphakama ngenxa yokuntuleka kokuvumelana nomgomo womuntu. Ukuqaphela ukuthi "kufanele ube" wena, umlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwane bakho, ngokuqinisekile ungena ekupheleni kokufa, njengoba, njengoba wazi, akukho okuphelele ekuphileni. Yingakho kuleli cala, ukuhlukana ebuhlotsheni ngeke kuxazululwe noma yiziphi izinkinga kule ndaba njengoba zikhona, zizohlala. Ngakho-ke, sibona ukuthi ukuhlukana phakathi kobudlelwane kubaluleke kakhulu, futhi akuzona njalo okuzokwazi ukuxazulula, futhi ngamazwi alula "patch up" izinkinga zakho, futhi ngokuphambene, ukuveza ngisho nangaphezulu.
Uma, nakuba kunjalo, kunesidingo sokuphumula ebuhlotsheni, khona-ke umbuzo uphakama: "Kuze kube nini lokhu kumile kufanele kuhlelwe, futhi kufanele kube nini isikhathi eside? ". Kulo mongo, inkulumo kaFrederick Begbeder iyakhumbula, okuzwakala kanje: - Uma emva kosuku lonke awuzange ube nesithukuthezi ngesigamu sakho sesibili, ngakho-ke awuthandani, ngoba kungenjalo ngabe ube nemizuzu emibili ukuphuma edangele ngobukhulu bokuhlukana. " Yiqiniso, i-maximimalism yalesi sitatimende ayihlangene nokuphila kwangempela, ikakhulukazi njengoba sikhuluma ngesigaba esibalulekile nesiphazamisayo sobudlelwane bakho, esibonakala ukungabazeki nokungabaza. Yiqiniso, isikhathi sokuhlukaniswa okwesikhashana kufanele sikwenze nonke nonke ithuba lokucabanga ngokucophelela, ukukala futhi, ngokusho, ukuqonda okudlule, ukubukeka emuva. Esinye sezimo ezingavamile kakhulu kwengqondo yomuntu ukuthi yilokho esikuqonda kakhulu lokho esikulahlekelwayo. Kule nkinga, ikhefu lesikhashana lihlobo lokulahleka, okungeke kwenzeke ukuthi uthando lwakho luphelile ekuhlaselweni kokuphila kwansuku zonke, kuzokunika isizathu sokubheka futhi, njengasekuqaleni kobudlelwane bakho. Futhi ukuze uqaphele ngokugcwele lokhu kulahlekelwa akukwaneli owodwa noma kwezinsuku ezimbili. Kodwa ngakolunye uhlangothi, ikhefu elide ngokweqile lingabangela ukuhlukanisa, lapho isivunguvungu sempilo yethu singakudlulela emagqeni ahlukene. Kungenxa yalezi zizathu ukuthi izazi ze-psychologist ezikhethekile futhi zeluleka ubudlelwane bezinkinga zombili izinkinga zeluleka isikhathi esiphezulu senyanga eyodwa. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, leli gama lingaphezu kokwanele ukuzindla futhi uqaphele ezinye izinto okhohlwe ukuthi ithenda enamathiselwe kanye nothando ekuxhumaneni kwakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuzokusiza ukulayishwa ngokomzwelo, futhi ubuke ngisho nomphefumulo wakho omusha ngendlela entsha, ukubona lezo zici nezimfanelo ezinhle ongakaze uzibone ngenxa yeso isosizi. Futhi, eqinisweni, uphinde uphefumule futhi uzizwe amandla okuxhumana okunomzwelo ukuthi izinkondlo zaso sonke zibizwa ngokuthi uthando. Futhi yingakho ngaphambi kokuba unqume ngesilinganiso esinomthelela njengengxabano ebuhlotsheni benyanga, womabili kufanele ucabange ngokucophelela. Ingabe kuwufanele?
Kunoma yikuphi, ngenxa yalesi sigama esiphezulu, kungase kuvele izimo ezintathu. Esimweni sokuqala, ukwehlukana kuzokuvumela ukuba uqonde futhi ulalele lokho ongakubonanga futhi wakuzisa ngaphambi, futhi futhi uthandane ngalokho okwakumthanda kakade. Esimweni sesibili, ubuhlobo buzophela ekuhlukaniseni, lapho ukulahlekelwa okwesikhashana kuzonikeza kokubili ukuqonda nokuqonda isidingo sokulahlekelwa okuphakade. Okwesithathu, isilinganiso esinjalo sokumisa okwesikhashana kuzoba yinkimbinkimbi nje, futhi futhi uzophinde uzwe izinkinga ezifanayo ngaphambi kokuba uhlukanise. Kulesi simo, udinga kokubili uzicabange noma uthintane nochwepheshe wobudlelwane ukuze uthole futhi ubone izizathu eziphula i-idyll emkhunjini wakho wothando.
Ingabe sidinga ikhefu ebuhlotsheni phakathi nenyanga ukuze sithandane futhi, noma siphume othandweni? Kuloludaba, umeluleki omuhle uzoba yinhliziyo yakho.