Kungani abesifazane abaningi bengakwazi ukuqonda inkinga yokulutha kothando?
Ngokusho kwencazelo engokwengqondo, inkulumo ethi "ukulutha umlutha" ingukugula kwengqondo, okuvela lapho ngokuvamile abameleli besifo sobulili obuthakathaka behlupheka. Kuyinto yabesifazane ukuthi imizwa evelele kumuntu isondelene kakhulu, futhi uthole umbala ohluke ngokuphelele ohambisana nokuthembela ngokomzwelo kumuntu. Kule ndawo lapho owesifazane eqaphela ukuthi uncike ngokugcwele kumthandekayo wakhe futhi akakwazi ukwenza noma yini kulokhu. Kodwa indoda, njengomthetho, akusho neze ukuthambekela ukuziphonsa "esivumelwaneni ngekhanda lakhe" futhi izinike ngokuphelele imizwa nemizwelo, okungeke kuthiwe ngowesifazane. Ngaleso sikhathi, ubulili obuthakathaka abukwazi ukuqonda: kungani indoda ethandekayo iqala ukuzihlukanisa, igweme imihlangano kanye nezingxoxo ezingenangqondo. Owesifazane uqala "ukushaya izintambo zakhe odongeni", futhi konke ukuze ngandlela-thile aphumele esimweni. Esinye isizathu esibalulekile esenza owesifazane awele ekuxhomekeni okunjalo ukuthi ubulili obubuthakathaka bubaluleke kakhulu kukho konke okukuyo emizweni yakhe, futhi iningi lale mizwa abayibekayo ebuhlotsheni bobulili obuhlukile. Kulungile, amadoda, njengokubusa, athambekele ekunakekeleni kakhulu isici socansi ebuhlotsheni. Yingakho imibono ibonakala kakhulu - futhi abesifazane beshiywa lutho ngaphandle kokuhlupheka ngenxa yokuthembela othandweni.
Uthando luxhomeke kanjani othandweni?
Owesifazane ukuze enze indoda ibe yindawo yakhe ekahle nencazelo yento yonke, isikhathi esincane. Kodwa kumuntu ukuze uqonde ukuthi lo wesifazane uyisimo sakhe sokuphila, kuthatha okungaphezu konyaka owodwa. Yingakho labesifazane bethembele ebuhlotsheni nomkabo. Ngakho-ke inhloso yokuphila kanye "nomoya", ngaphandle kokungeke ukwazi ukuphefumulela futhi uphile, indoda iba ngowesifazane ngokushesha futhi ngaphandle kwemicabango engadingekile - futhi lokhu, mhlawumbe, kuyinkinga enkulu yokuthembela. Konke lokhu kududuza lona wesifazane ukuthi unesifiso esikhulu sokuthuthukisa ubuhlobo nesoka lakhe, ukuhlanganisa, ukuhamba esiteji esisha ngokuphelele nezinga, futhi futhi uvikeleke kakhulu ngemuva kwabo. Ngendlela, lokhu konke kuhambisane nezinga eliphelele, elingenakuqondisisa, ukungaqondi kahle isimo kanye nokukholelwa okungenangqondo ukuthi le ndoda ayilona ngaphandle kwekusasa nokuthanda kwayo yonke impilo. Ikhono lokuqapha nokuqonda isimo owesifazane olahlekelwa ngokuphelele.
Izizathu eziyinhloko ezibangela ukulutha umlutha.
Inkinga yokuthembela ngokomzwelo ngokomzwelo iwukuthi lesi sifo sinzima kakhulu ukuphatha futhi, uma siqhathanisa nezinye izidakamizwa zomuntu, kuyocaca ngokushesha ukuthi lesi "sigulo" sinamandla kunabo bonke. Ngeshwa, kulesi simo kukhona cishe akukho mithi yomphefumulo kanye nomsizi wesifazane. Ngakho lokhu kuxhomeka kuyakwazi ukumbamba umuntu ngokuphelele futhi kubambe isikhathi eside engqondweni yakhe, kumcindezela njengomuntu. Ukuqeda lo mzwelo wokuqeda, okokuqala, kunzima ngoba kuhlangene ngokuphelele nesigaba se-semantic sokuphila komuntu. Emva kwakho konke, sithandane nomuntu, siqala ukwenza izinhlelo ngekusasa. Kodwa ngesinye isikhathi owesifazane uthola ukuthi izinhlelo zakhe azihambisani nemibono ekusasa lomyeni wakhe. Yilapho owesifazane eqala ukwamukela ukwesaba, uqala ukuzibeka icala, ezama ukukhomba konke angakutholi nokuthi yiziphi amaphutha akhe abalulekile. Konke lokhu kuholela ekucaciseni okuqhubekayo nokuqiniswa kobudlelwane nabathandekayo, futhi ngenxa yalokho, lona wesifazane ungena endaweni evaliwe, okungekho indlela yokuphuma ngayo.
Izimpawu zokuthembela.
Ukuthembela othandweni, njengawo wonke amanye ama-dependency, kunokwakhe okucacile futhi okuphawulekayo kuphela kubonakaliso. Owesifazane uguqule ngokuphelele ukuziphatha kwakhe nesimo sengqondo kumuntu. Uzama njalo ukufakazela okuthile kuye, achaze futhi amlandele "ezintendeni", nomaphi lapho eya khona. Futhi, kunezikhathi zemizwelo ehambisana nokuguquguquka okungazelelwe kusuka emibonweni ejabulisayo ekuphelelwe ithemba. Futhi, empeleni, emncintiswaneni wephupho lakhe, owesifazane ulahlekelwa ngokuphelele ukuzethemba kwakhe.
Ukukhipha lesi sidakamizwa ngencwadi ethi "L".
Inkinga yonke ukuthi kulula futhi kuyashesha ukunqoba ukuthembela kwakho - lokhu kuyinto embi. Umuthi oyinhloko lapha ukuqwashisa. Umuntu kufanele aqaphele futhi aqonde ukuthi lokhu kuxhomekeka kumdonsa phansi futhi udinga usizo lwezingqondo. Ngakho-ke, kuleso simo, umuntu onomlutha angasiza yena ngokwakhe, ezama "ukubulala" le mizwa futhi abheke isimo esihluke kakhulu.