Kuyini "ukugxilonga" - ngakho u-Eric Berne wabiza lokho kukhula kocansi, okuholela ekuziphatheni kobulili? Kunemibono eminingi ngalokho okujabulisa amadoda nabesifazane, futhi ngamunye wabo kukhona iqiniso.
Isibonelo: "Owesifazane uthanda izindlebe, nomuntu - ngamehlo akhe." Akubona yini umuntu ohamba ze uthola abesifazane?
Kodwa ngaphandle kwemigomo jikelele kukhona ukuhlukana komuntu ngamunye, ngakho uBerne wathi:
"Kukhona amadoda" atshalwe "ngebele lesifazane, namadoda" atshalwe ", ebuka imilenze yabesifazane. Wonke umuntu unezintandokazi zakhe, futhi ezinye zalezi zici ezifanelekayo zinganelisa "ukukhanya" okubukwayo.
Ngokuvamile kuncike kulokho umama abonakala kunina uma eseneminyaka ethile ubudala: noma eneminyaka engama-4, lapho eqala ukuba nesithakazelo ekubunjweni komzimba wabesifazane abahlukahlukene futhi wanquma ukuthi ungowesifazane onjani ozoshada naye; noma eminyakeni engu-12-14, lapho ezwa ukuthuthumela kokuqala kokuvuswa kobulili omdala "
Futhi kulokhu, futhi, sibhekene neqiniso lokuthi isimo, esabekwe ebuntwaneni, sithinta kakhulu isiphetho somuntu. Futhi ngokungazelelwe le ndima ayihambisani nani, ngakho-ke yini ongayenza, ingumuntu ozobhujiswa?
Cha! Kunamathuba okuthonya kakhulu ekugcineni kwakho, futhi lokhu kungasiza isazi sengqondo.
Yiqiniso, ubulili buhilela lonke ubuhlobo bomuntu. Kodwa indlela engokomfanekiso uBern abhala ngayo ngocansi: "Ungakwazi ukujabulela ubulili yedwa, kokubili yedwa kanye neqembu. Ukuya ocansini kungabonakalisa ukusondelana okungokomoya noma umzamo wokunciphisa ukungezwani, indaba yomsebenzi noma isifiso, noma ngisho nje indlela yokuchitha isikhathi nje ukulibala ukuqala kosuku olumnyama lokuzikhukhumeza. Phela, ukukhwabanisa - lokhu kungukufa kokufa, okuholela kuye ngokushesha noma kamuva izisulu zakhe ngokugula, ingozi noma ukuzibulala. "
Mhlawumbe, abanye, indima yabo kungabi nobuhlobo bobulili nomunye umuntu aze akutshele izibopho zakhe kuwe. Futhi-ke ungalinda futhi ungalindi, udinga isinyathelo esifanele.
Bonke abesilisa nabesifazane bafuna into efanayo - ukuzwa isidingo sabo, ukuzihlonipha kanye nokuthandwa.
Futhi lapha ubuhlobo bakho bocansi buyancipha kuze kube yilapho ungangeni khona, ungaxoxisi izinkinga ezinkulu futhi ngokuvamile uzizwe unganikezwa ngokufanele. Ungaqiniseka ukuthi uzidonsa umthwalo oyinhloko wobudlelwane bakho, kanti umlingani wakho ukhethe indima yokuzibandakanya.
- Yenza uhlu lwalokhu isenzo sakho esiningi ngokweqile sibonisa. Futhi ufunde lolu hlu nsuku zonke ukuze ukhumbuze lokho okungafanele ukwenze.
- Nikeza ithuba kumlingani wakho ukuzibonakalisa. Linda kuze kube yilapho umyeni wakho egijima emkhawulweni wakho wombhede futhi ekukhubekisa.
"Kodwa ungalinda ubusuku bonke, uma bekungekho ukulungiselela kahle ngaphambi kwalokho." Futhi nakwamacala anganaki, isinyathelo esiqaphele kakhulu.
Akudingekile ukugcwalisa ubuhlobo njalo ngaphandle kokuzwa ukusekelwa komlingani wakho. Ukuyeka ukugcwalisa ukungabi namzwelo, wena, ngokungangabazeki, usengozini. Ungathola ukuthi umlingani wakho akanakho ukukunikeza.
Mhlawumbe uma uqaphela, ngokungazelelwe uqaphele ukuthi abathandani nalomuntu othile.
Noma kunjalo, ingozi kufanelekile ukuya kuyo.
Ngaki kaningi owesifazane unomkhuba omubi wokuhlukumeza isithunzi sakhe phambi komuntu. Ngaphambi kokuba othandekayo efihle ingqondo yakhe, amakhono, impumelelo, ubuhlakani bakhe kanye namakhono akhe, ukuze angesabi naye futhi angazami ukuzethemba.
Futhi laba baphumelelani: baqala ukuthandwa futhi bahlonishwa kakhulu?
Kungani usebenzela umuntu ukuba abe nomuzwa wokuphakama ngaphezu kwakho ubheke kangcono kunalokho. Ngemuva kokufihla isithunzi sakho, ubulala uthando emndenini wakho.
Ungesabi ukuba uphelele kakhulu - amadoda akhathazekile futhi akhangwa ukuhlakanipha nokuphelela, hhayi ubuthakathaka. Amadoda ahlonipha abesifazane, okuvela kuwo ukuzethemba. Ukusebenzisa ukufihla isithunzi sakho kubantu, wena, ekugcineni, qala ukuzifihla kuwe.
Kodwa kungani usalokhu ulalela indoda?
Mhlawumbe ukuze uthole lolo thando, uthando lomfel 'ukholo ngenxa yothando. Ukudela ukuzethemba, ukuzihlonipha, ukuzihlonipha nokuphila kwakho ngenxa efanelekayo, mhlawumbe, uthando lomuntu.
Awunamahloni, akunakwenzeka! Futhi kaningi kangakanani konke kuyize.
Ukuhlola lokhu, ngincoma okulandelayo:
"Ukuvumela amadoda akuphathe ngendlela ongafuni ukuba amadodakazi akho aphathwe ngayo."
- Ukuvikela isithunzi somuntu lapho kudingeka khona.
- Phila ukwesaba ukubangela ukungavumi noma ufanelwe ukugxekwa komlingani wakho.
- Phila, uneliswe uthando oluncane kakhulu nokunakekelwa kunalokho okufanele.
Abantu bavame ukuzivumelanisa nemvelo abahlala kuyo.
Futhi ngokuvamile lokhu akuyona into engcono kakhulu, kodwa ngeke sikwazi ukubona lokhu kuze kube yilapho isimo sesishintshile.
Ngokufaka izimpumelelo zakho emehlweni abanye, ungaziqapheli kancane kancane, uze kancane kancane ulahlekelwe ubuhle bakho.
Futhi "umzingeli" wakho usevele eqala nxazonke.
Kodwa yilokhu okudingeka ukwenze:
- Yenza uhlu lwamandla akho, amathalenta, impumelelo, ukufaneleka kanye nezimfanelo ezinhle nje kuphela, futhi, ukushaya njengesiphinde sisevisi, cabanga ngomthandi wakho. Futhi uma uzama ukuyiheha futhi naye?
- Zama ukwamukela, hhayi ukugijima ekuncoma. Futhi uma uyanconywa, thatha umoya ojulile bese uthi nje: "Ngiyabonga!" Ukuthobeka okungamanga akukalungi nanoma ubani okwamanje.
Uma umlingani wakho ethandekayo, akazizwa ekhululekile nawe, ohlakaniphile futhi oqiniseka, futhi akawuthandi? Bese ucabanga ngokucophelela - kufanele yini ukubhubhisa impilo eyodwa ngenxa yomuntu ongeke akwazi ukukuqonda, akuthokoze futhi ongeke ujabule naye?
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