Ukuqala ukuhlala ndawonye, sivame ukucabanga i-idyll: ukudla kwase-candlelit, ikhofi embhedeni. Nokho, sesimangalisa kakhulu. Isikhathi sokuqala sizithola sibhekene nokuxabana okukhulu. Futhi okwesibili, lapho siqonda ukuthi izingxabano zingaba futhi ziwusizo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukungavumelani komndeni kungenakwenzeka kuphela ekuzuzeni ubudlelwane, ngokuvamile kusisondeza ekufinyeleleni okufunayo. Nokho, ososayensi bathola ukuthi abashadile nabashadile abahlakaniphile bafunga ngokuhlukile. Iluphi uhlelo lokulawulwa kwezingxabano lungcono: ukuzama ukuthola yonke imininingwane ekugcineni noma uthule ngokuthula ngezinto ezibalulekile? Ukukhethwa kwamaqhinga kuxhomeke ikakhulukazi ... ukuthi uhlala isikhathi esingakanani ndawonye.
Noma yikuphi umbhangqwana oshadile uhamba phakathi kwemigomo ebalulekile yohambo lwabo: futhi akwenzi ngaphandle kokuvela kwezimo eziphikisanayo, lapho kwezinye izimo zixazululwa ngokuthula, kuyilapho kwezinye zikhula zibe yizihlukumezi ezinkulu. Kodwa izingxabano ezibukhali kancane ziba mncane futhi ukushisa komfutho akufani. Lesi siphetho senziwa ososayensi abafunda imizwa yabantu abashadile. Ngesikhathi sokucwaninga, kukhulunywe ngababili abangu-130 futhi babhalwa kuvidiyo, futhi babuzwa ukuba baxoxe ngemibuzo ethile esihlokweni esinikeziwe. Lezi zihloko zahlukaniswa ngamaqembu amabili: owokuqala yibo abahlala emshadweni iminyaka eyishumi noma ngaphezulu, kwesinye - ngaphansi. Ngenxa yocwaningo, kwacaca ukuthi labo abaye bahlala emshadweni iminyaka eminingi, izingxabano zingaphansi kwalabo abasanda kushada. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokusho kososayensi, izintambo ezinjalo-ezivela ezingxabanweni eziningi ngokuthula nokuvumelana - ziqinisa kuphela umshado.Imifudlana njengesizathu sokukwazi omunye nomunye
Uma uhamba ngokuphumelelayo nenqubo yokuphikisana, lokhu kuyisizathu sokuthi uphonse imizwa yakho emibi, kodwa futhi futhi okuzuzisayo ukuze ukwazi ukuqonda kangcono nokuqonda. Ungakwazi, ngokusho ngokwemvelo, ukuthi lesi yisikhathi esihle kakhulu sokwazi okujwayelene. Ngokwesazi se-Edinburgh Institute of Practical Psychology, izingxabano zinomsebenzi wabo womndeni obalulekile. Ukuphatha ukukhathazeka kusho nokugcina okulinganisela embhangqwaneni oshadile. Ubukhulu bezingxabano buxhomeke esimweni sokubumbana kwabashadile nokuthi bangakanani ukukhathazeka. Gwema izingxabano, ngoba ziyingxenye ebalulekile yokuphila emshadweni. Ngosizo lwabo, umndeni uhlola ukuthi ngabe ungaphila izikhathi ezihlukahlukene eziyingozi, ukuxazulula ngokuzimisela izimo eziphikisanayo nezingenangqondo, ukuqonda ukuphikisana nokuthola iziphetho.
Ngaphansi kwaziphi izimo yiziphi izingxabano ikakhulukazi ezinzima? Uma abalingani besabela ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye, imicabango yabo igxile (njengoba ibona) inkani, ukungakhathaleli, ukungacabangi komlingani. Esimweni esinjalo, ingxabano ingaphumelela ngenxa yesibambiso esincane futhi ngokushesha ifinyelele ukukhushulwa okuphezulu. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, asiphuthelwa ithuba lokukhumbuza abakhethiweyo mayelana nokulimala okwenziwe kithi, okuyinto eyenza kuphela isimo.
Noma kunjalo, kunesici esihle sokungavumelani komndeni. Ngosizo lwabo, sichaza isimo - wethu nomlingani wethu. Sinethuba elihle lokuveza ngokwanele imizwelo emibi yomunye nomunye. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izingxabano ezihlukumezayo zenza kube lula ukuletha izinguquko ezinhle ohlelweni lomndeni.
Khamuluka kakhulu
Isikhathi esiyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu ngokomzwelo, egcwele izingxabano, yiminyaka yokuqala yokuphila komndeni. Isizathu sezinyathelo eziphakeme kakhulu ezinkampanini ezincane eziyisiqalo ziyizihloko eziyisisekelo. Kungani? AmaRoma nokuphila ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa kukhona izinto ezihluke ngokuphelele. Kuze kube yilapho uhlelo lomndeni olusha, olubonakala ensimini evamile kanye nezibonakaliso ezibaluleke kakhulu zokusondelana - ukulala okuhlangene nokudla, akuzange kubangele izingxabano ezinkulu. Kodwa ngokushesha nje lapho umndeni usukhulile, konke kuguquka ngokushesha.
Kunoma yiliphi i-pair of abashadayo kukhona isiteji okuthiwa i-lapping, lapho okuningi kokuphikisana phakathi kozakwethu kuvela khona. Kufika isikhathi lapho ukuhlaselwa okuphuphayo othandana nezibuko ezibomvu kudlulayo futhi uyaqaphela ukuthi wena nomthandekayo wakho ngabantu abahlukile, futhi abaningi bahlupheka kakhulu ngalokhu. Umyeni nomfazi bakhulela emindenini ehlukene, nemibono ehlukene mayelana nokuthi yini engenziwa emshadweni, futhi yini engenakuyenza, yini evumelekile nokuthi yini engekho. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngamunye wethu ulindele okuthile okusha emndenini osanda kudalwa.
Izingxabano eziningi ezivela emibhangqwaneni emisha zihlobene nokulungiswa kwazo komunye nomunye. Ukungavumelani kungenzeke kunoma yikuphi ukukhishwa: kusukela ebusweni bokuphila kuya kumasu omshado ozochitha isikhathi sabo samahhala ngisho nendlela yokuveza imizwa.
Konke ngendlela endala
Isigaba esibucayi sokuqhaqhaza ngokuvamile sithatha indawo yendawo elinganiselayo futhi enokuthula, lapho zonke izinkinga zokuphikisana sezivele zicacisiwe. Ebudlelwaneni bomibhangqwana abaye badlula isikhathi sokucaciswa kobudlelwane, bese bekwazi ukuvumelana futhi bafinyelele ekuqondeni nasekuncishisweni, ibhalansi elinde isikhathi eside nokuthula kusekwa. Kulesi simo, lo mbhangqwana ufunda ukuqaphela ukwehluleka okuthile kumlingani futhi wamukelane njengoba kunjalo. Bayaqonda ukuthi kunezinto ezingenakuguqulwa kumuntu, yingakho imibhangqwana esebehlala emshadweni isikhathi eside, ingxabano engekho kabi kakhulu futhi ibuhlungu njengabafazi abashadile. Basenaso izizathu zezingxabano ezinkulu futhi bathola ubuhlobo.
Kodwa-ke, kwenzeka njalo ukuthi sizama ngamabomu ukungaboni ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngoba izingxabano zimbi, sicabanga. Sesaba ukuthi phakathi nokucaciswa kobuhlobo esingeke sikwazi ukubhekana nemizwelo yethu, ngakho-ke singalawuleki ngokwethu. Ngakho-ke, sivame ukukhetha ukuthi singangeni ukungqubuzana futhi sithule ngalokho okungahambisani nathi kumlingani, hhayi nje ukuxabana. Nokho, lesi simo singabangela imiphumela emibi kakhulu. Uma uqoqa ukunganeliseki ngaso sonke isikhathi, kungokwandisa ibanga emibhangqwaneni, ubuhlobo buqala ukupholisa. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi umonakalo oqoqiwe uzokhipha, okungabangela ukuhlukunyezwa okukhulu ngokomzwelo.
Kusondela
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ngisho nangemva kweminyaka engaphezu kweyishumi bomshado abaqhubeka bexabana, tshela, ukuthi ubani ozokhipha udoti noma ukuhamba nenja, khona-ke izingxabano ziba uhlobo lomkhuba. Izizathu zalokhu zingase zibe eziningana. Ukwehluleka okukhulu kokwaneliseka komlingani, isifiso sokuqeda ukuhlukunyezwa okwedlulele ngokweqile noma isifiso sokulawula ibanga. Ngokwengqondo, le mpikiswano inezigaba ezimbili: ingxabano ngokwayo kanye nebanga elilandelayo.
Kubuye kwenzeke ukuthi izimo zokungqubuzana zihlukile ngezikhathi zokukhanya komfudumalo nobudlelwane obuseduze, khona-ke uhlelo luba luyinkimbinkimbi nakakhulu: ukusondelana-ukufudumala kwesifiso-ukuhlukanisa-ukuxabana. Ake sithi umbhangqwana oshadile uvela eholidini, lapho bebesondelene kakhulu ngokomzwelo. Ekuphileni kwansuku zonke phakathi kwethu, kunezithiyo eziningi ezingokwengqondo: umsebenzi, abangane, ukuzijabulisa. Futhi uma siseholidini, singagxila ngokugcwele kumuntu othandekayo wethu. Abaningi abakwazi ukuthola ukukhulumisana okungokomzwelo okunjalo, ngakho-ke babuyela ekhaya labo, bazama futhi ukuzihlukanisa nebanga eliphephile kwengqondo kusuka kumlingani wabo. Futhi kulokhu, izingxabano ziba yisizathu esivumelekile sokuphindaphinda ubude obufanele.
Kunesimo esihlukile: lapho abashadile bengasondeli, futhi ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo kusadingeka. Ngakho-ke, ukuze uzizwe ukuthi umlingani unesithakazelo kuwe, ukuthi uhilelekile empilweni yakho engokomzwelo, ukuhlazeka nokucaciswa kobudlelwane kuhlelwe. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokuvamile kunomunye njengokungathi ulindele ngokuqondile, lapho okwesibini enza iphutha futhi enze iphutha. Khona-ke, ekuxabaneni nokusetshenzwa, abashadile bathola ukwaneliseka kanye nesifiso esivumelana nomzwelo.
Indlela yokufunga ngokuzikhandla?
Ungaqali ingxoxo ngesikhathi sokucasuka. Kungcono ukuya emakamelo ahlukene bese ubhala phansi izimangalo zakho kumlingani wakho. Futhi emva kwesikhashana, lapho imizwa ixazululwa, ukhulume ngokuthula.
Kubalulekile hhayi kuphela ukuzikhulumela wena, kepha futhi ukunikeza ithuba lokukhuluma nomngane wakho.
Ungathathi amagama omlingani nobudlova. Unezizathu zakhe zokusho lezo zinto ozizwile. Zama ukuqonda lokho okukhethiwe okufunayo.
Ungazami ukususa isinqumo sakho, kodwa ungaqhubeki mayelana nomlingani wakho. Vumelana nenketho yesithathu, lapho bobabili kufanele nishintshe.