Kwenzeka ukuthi owesifazane ufuna ngobuqotho ukuba umama futhi angaboni nanoma yiziphi izithiyo ezinkulu kulokhu, futhi umyeni wakhe akabonisi intshiseko ecacile yobuzali obuzayo. Khona-ke lona wesifazane ubhekene nombuzo: "Yini okufanele ngiyenze? Mhlawumbe isinqumo ngokwazo futhi sibeke phambi kweqiniso? "Nokho, ukuzalwa kwengane kuyinkqubo lapho kungenjalo umama ozayo, kodwa futhi nendoda yakhe kanye nomntwana ngokwabo bahilelekile, ngakho-ke kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba uvumelane futhi wenze isinqumo esifanayo. Uma kungenjalo, imiphumela ingaba yinto embi kakhulu kokubili kowesifazane kanye nezingane ezizayo, ukungabi namalungu emndenini. Ngemuva kwalokho, kungenzeka ukuthi, njengoba engakulungele ukuzala, kodwa ukubeka phambi kweqiniso, lo muntu uzozizwa ekhonjwe futhi ehlanjululwe ngokuphelele, okuzokwenza isimo sengqondo sowesifazane kanye nobuhlobo phakathi kwalabo abashadile (kuze kube yilapho kungenzeka ukuthi umama ongashadile). Ngakho-ke, umsebenzi obalulekile owesifazane ozimisele ukuba umama ukulungiselela umyeni wakhe ngomqondo wokukhulelwa, uxoxe ngalolu daba futhi wenze isinqumo esihlangene ngokuzalwa kwengane. Kusele ukucacisa umbuzo obaluleke kakhulu: kanjani ukwenza lokhu?
Ukukhulelwa kwamadoda
Okokuqala, owesifazane kufanele acabange ngeqiniso lokuthi amadoda, ngokuyinhloko, ngokwawo ahlukile ngokuhlukile: anengqondo kakhulu, ahlalisayo, abala kunabesifazane. Futhi, mhlawumbe, ngokugqamile, lezi zimfanelo ziboniswa kudaba olunzima njengokuhlela ukukhulelwa. Ngokuvamile ukukhulelwa kuba yisigaba esilandelayo ekuthuthukiseni ubudlelwane, ngemuva kokwakhiwa komndeni (futhi akubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi lobu buhlobo buhlelekile ngokomthetho), ukuphakama okusha kuletha ukwaneliseka nokwaneliseka komshado kubantu abashadile ... Nokho, emcimbini wokukhulelwa owesifazane uvame ukufika enempilo, ngokumane umzuzu omuhle, eqaphela ukuthi udinga ingane. Indoda idinga isikhathi sokucabanga ngemicabango yakhe kanye nezifiso zayo, inguquko ehlanganyelwe kanye nezinguquko ezingenakugwema, kubalulekile ukuba ahlolisise izinzuzo nezindleko, ukuhlolisisa nokwenza isinqumo esinengqondo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho uhlela ukukhulelwa, isakhi somzwelo sisuke senziwa ngokugcwele phakathi kobulili obunamandla. Indoda ingesaba izinguquko ezenzekayo nabathandekayo bakhe, izinguquko endleleni ekhona kakade yokuphila komndeni, ngokuqondene naye nasebujameni obuseduze ... Ngezinye izikhathi amadoda ayesaba inkululeko nokuzimela, besaba ukulahlekelwa amandla nokulawula kwabo. Futhi uzama ukwenza isinqumo esisodwa mayelana nokuzalwa kwengane, owesifazane kufanele acabangele lezo zici zengqondo yesilisa, ukuqonda nokuzamukela. Uma kungenjalo, ukugxekwa, ukucindezelwa ngokweqile nokucindezela, ukuhlambalaza kanye nokukholelwa kwansuku zonke kuyoba nomthelela ohlukile, ukususa abashade nomunye nokubhubhisa ubuhlobo babo. U-Anna noSergey babeshadile ngonyaka odlule futhi bejabule kakhulu emshadweni. Bobabili sebevuthiwe kakade nabanelisekile abaye bakwazi ukuhlela indlela yabo yokuphila nemisebenzi yabo. U-Anna waqala ukucabanga ngokungathí sina ngezingane, ekholelwa ukuthi emndenini wabo kukhona zonke izimo zokuzalwa kwengane, kodwa "emkhandlwini womndeni" lo mbuzo awuvuswanga. "Angikwazi ukukhuluma naye ngalesi sihloko okokuqala - ngilindele ukuthi athi angathanda ingane. Kodwa akathuli ... Ngazama ukusikisela, nginakekele izingane emgwaqweni, kodwa uyamomotheka futhi angaphenduli nhlobo. Ngifuna ngempela ingane, kodwa nginovalo ukwenqaba kwakhe. " U-Anna wathukutheka, uthintana, ukuxabana kwaba njalo emndenini, futhi abashade baqala ukuhamba. Emindenini eminingi, ngokuvamile kuvame isimo lapho abashadile, noma ngabe yikuphi isizathu, abakwazi ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile, futhi ezimweni eziningi lokhu kubhekane nezindaba ezibalulekile, njengokukhulelwa. Izingxoxo namazwi, imisho emangalisa, "ukucabangela" kwemicabango nezifiso zomlingani wakho, inkolelo yokuthi omunye umuntu kufanele aqagele futhi aqonde ukuthi ufuna ukuthini kuye, kuholele ekuchazeni okungalungile kwezenzo zomunye nomunye. Ebudlelwaneni kukhona "ukuphulwa phansi", ukungathembeki nokubandayo. Abashadile banomuzwa wokuthi bayeka ukuqonda omunye nomunye. Kukhona umbuthano ononya. Lona ithemba lokuthuthukiswa kwezenzakalo esimweni sika-Anna, uma inqubomgomo yakhe emyeni wayo ingaguquki. Ngemuva kwalokho, akunakwenzeka ukufika esinqumweni esisodwa, uma umbuzo ngokwawo wawungakazwa ngokucacile nangokucacile. Kubonakala sengathi izifiso zakhe zikhona futhi kufanele aziwa ngendoda ethandekayo, futhi uma engasheshe akwazi ukuzigcwalisa, ke akafuni, akazinaki. Kusuka lapha nokuthukuthela, nokucasuka, nezingxabano ezingadingekile. Noma kunjalo, sonke singabantu abahlukene, ngemicabango ehlukene. Into yokuqala u-Anna okufanele acabange ngayo ngukuthi umyeni wakhe angase angaqondi izimpendulo zakhe, ngoba akacabangi ngezingane okwamanje futhi akazi ngesifiso sakhe sokuba nomntwana, kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi akafuni izingane.
Okokuqala, owesifazane kufanele akhulume ngokukhululekile ngalolu daba nomyeni wakhe, etshela imizwa yakhe nemizwelo yakhe, ngenkathi egcina ithoni elizolile nelithembekile. Into eyinhloko ukwakha ingxoxo ngendlela yokuthi umyeni uyazisa ukubaluleka kwakhe empikweni yokuhlela umndeni. Okokuqala, kufanele ubonise isifiso sakho nemizwelo, isibonelo: "Sekuyisikhathi eside ngicabanga ukuthi sibelethe umntwana, kodwa angazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngakho. Awukhulumi ngakho, futhi nginovalo lokuthi awukufuni. Ngakho-ke, ngaba nesaba kakhulu futhi ngicasulwa. " Kubaluleke kakhulu ukukukhumbuza ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani isimo somyeni ukuthi, umbono wakhe: "Kumelwe sithathe lesi sinqumo ndawonye, ngifuna ingane yethu ibe injabulo kokubili." Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu - ukusho ukuthi u-Anna ulindele umyeni wakhe, ukuthi yini ngempela ayifunayo ukuze athole engxoxweni (amadoda ayithanda imininingwane): "Ngifuna ukwazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngathi onomntwana, futhi ungathanda ukuxoxa ngakho manje. "Ngemva kokuba uxoxe ngalolu hlelo. U-Anna uzokwazi ukubuyisela isimo sokuthembela ebuhlotsheni noSergei, alethe izifiso zakhe futhi achaze isikhundla sakhe ekuzalweni kwengane.
"Angikuphikisana nomntwana, kodwa ..."
ULisa no-Andrew bahlangana namanje kakhulu, futhi kusukela ngaleso sikhathi babecabanga ukuthi bangumndeni. Bonke badlula zonke izinkinga, bathola imfundo, bakhela umsebenzi ... Eminyakeni embalwa kamuva bashada, baqasha indlu, u-Andrei waqala ukwenza umsebenzi ayewuthandayo. Umntwana wayefuna kokubili, kodwa walinda lapho 'engase avuke' futhi anganikeli nje kuphela. Phakathi naleso sikhathi, uLisa waqala ukuqonda ngokucacile ukuthi wayengenalo okwanele isidalwa esincane esingasinakekelwa, kepha u-Andrei wayesakholelwa ukuthi ngeke bakwazi ukudonsa ingane. Okokuqala, kufanele kuqashelwe ukuthi kunezinye izici eziqondile esimweni saseLysina, okuzokwazi ukuqala kamuva. Okokuqala, isifiso esingaba khona sokuba ngabazali singabesilisa nombili, okungukuthi, kumyeni umqondo wokuba nomzali awuyinto engazi kahle. Okwesibili, singasho ukuthi ukukhulumisana emndenini akuphulwa. Lo mbhangqwana uxoxisana nomqondo wokukhulelwa, umyeni ulungele ukuveza isikhundla sakhe futhi, okubalulekile, ngokucacile uchaza ukuthi kungani, ngokubona kwakhe, angawavumeli ukuba nengane. Yingakho ukuziphatha okunye kukaLisa kuzoxhomeka kulezi zizathu. Esikhathini esicacisiwe, umyeni ubiza umkhawulo ekukhululeni umzali okuyiyona inhloso ngokwanele yomndeni onikeziwe - ubunzima obubonakalayo. Lezi zimo zingokoqobo futhi empeleni zingabangela inkinga kokubili kokukhulelwa, kanye nokuqala kokuphila nengane, ngakho-ke u-Andrew ubonisa isikhundla somuntu omdala futhi onomthwalo wemfanelo, ehlehlisa ukuzalwa kwengane. Njengendoda yeqiniso, ucabangisisa ngekusasa lomndeni, ngakho-ke imibono yakhe kufanele ilandelwe. Noma kunjalo, isimo esinjalo siyingozi ngoba ezweni lanamuhla lomndeni ovamile, izinkinga zempahla aziqediwe ngendlela eyodwa. Isifiso somyeni wakhe ukufezekisa ukukhula okuhle komsebenzi, ukuhlela impilo yomndeni ngaphambi kokuqala izingane, kulungile futhi kuyaqondakala, kodwa uLisa uzizwa ukuthi umbhangqwana wabo udinga intuthuko, njengoba bebonke bahlala isikhathi eside. Ngakho-ke, kulokhu, abashadile bangalulekwa kuqala ukuthi baxoxe ukuthi kusho ukuthini "ukudweba ingane," kungakhathaliseki ukuthi lezi zibusiso eziningi noma eziningi u-Andrei ayezichazile akuzona ezibaluleke kakhulu kumntwana futhi zingezansi. Isibonelo, kungaba kuhle ukuba nomsebenzi ozinzile kanye nefulethini elifanele, ngisho noma lingeneka, ukubala izindleko zangempela ezihlobene nokuvela komunye ilunga lomndeni ngaphambi kokuzalwa kwengane ... Kodwa ukulibazisa ukuzalwa kwengane ngaphambi kokuthenga imoto akunangqondo. Umsebenzi kaLisa kuleso simo ukukhombisa ukuthi yini ngempela abayidinga ingane, futhi uvumele ukulinda kuze kube yilapho lezi zinhloso zifezekile, futhi nokuqinisekisa umyeni wakhe ukuthi konke okunye okukhona kuzoba khona, kodwa nangomntwana.
"Uhlala ethola izizathu eziningi"
Muva nje, emndenini ka-Yana, izingxabano ezincane zaqala ukuvela ngesisekelo sokukhulelwa esikhathini esizayo: "Kostya njalo iphuza isikhathi. Kubonakala sengathi konke kunqunywe kakade, zonke izixazululo ezidingekayo seziqedile, futhi ngisho nokuphila okunempilo kuholele, kodwa ngokushesha nje lapho kufika isinyathelo esinqumayo, uhlale enesizathu sokulinda. Angikwazi ukubekezelela lokhu okungaqiniseki. " Kungenzeka ukuthi kuleso simo, indoda ayisakulungele ukuba ubaba, ngakho-ke, ethi ufuna ukuba nomntwana, futhi ngisho nokuthatha izinyathelo ezikude kulokhu (isibonelo, ucwaningo lwezokwelapha ekuhleleni ukukhulelwa), uhlala efuna izizathu eziningi, ukukhulelwa " ke. " Isizathu sokusesha ama-pretexts angenakukwazi ukuveza isimo sengqondo sabo sangempela kubababa ngenxa yokulahlwa kwezenhlalo zokungafuni ukuba nabantwana nokuzethemba ngokwanele ebuhlotsheni bomshado. Ngakho-ke, okokuqala, ungakwazi ukweluleka u-Yana ukuthi angamcindezeli umyeni wakhe, kodwa ngomusa amqhube engxoxweni eyimfihlo, lapho engakwazi ukuphumula ngokwengqondo futhi abonise isimo sengqondo sakhe sangempela emcimbini wengane, hhayi eyamukelekile emphakathini. Khona-ke kuzocaca ukuthi yikuphi ukukhanya ebona ubuhlobo, yiziphi izikhathi azibheka njengento engalungile ekukhulelweni esikhathini esizayo kanye nokuphila nengane kanye nokuthi uzolahlekelwa yini, ngokombono wakhe. Akubalulekile ukuthi ngiqaphele ukuthi umyeni wami unelungelo lokuzwa le mizwa emibi kanye nokuthi angakulungeli ukuba ngubaba manje, sidinga ukumnika isikhathi sokwenza lokhu kuzimisela. Kodwa iqiniso lokuthi ukulungela ukubeletha kwakha ngokushesha, u-Yana angase abe negalelo.
Akudingekile ukubeka ama-ultimatums futhi ukusola umyeni nsuku zonke: ngakho imizwa yakhe emibi iyoqinisa kuphela. Angidingi ukukhombisa ukuthi uthando lwakhe ngoKostya aluzange linyamalale: "Ngiqaphele ukuthi yini oyesabayo nokuthi awungakulungele ukuzalwa kwengane yakho, futhi ngiyajabula ngokuthi sithole. Kodwa ngiyakuthanda futhi ngifuna ingane kuwe futhi ngithemba ukuthi ekugcineni uzoshintsha ingqondo yakho. " Akudingeki ukuba ngiqhubeke nokuthuthukisa isihloko sezingane, kancane kancane ngifaka ukuzethemba komyeni wami futhi ngidale isithombe esihle ngekusasa nomntanami. Akuyona into engafanele ukulalela kulawo maBones amakhwalithi angamenza abe ngubaba omuhle. Izikhathi ezingathandeki futhi eziphazamisayo zomyeni nazo zidinga ukuxoxwa, kepha hhayi ngokuqiniseka ngokungenasisekelo ukuthi "konke kuyobe kungalungile", kodwa ukunikeza izibonelo zabangane, imibono yobuchwepheshe, idatha yesayensi kanye nokubala okuqondile.
"Akafuni ingane"
Ku-Igor, ukushada noNataliya kuwumzamo wesibili wokudala umndeni. Baye ndawonye iminyaka engaba mihlanu, kodwa kuze kube manje u-Igor ubelokhu ehluleka ukuba nezingane. KuNatalika, lesi sihloko saba buhlungu kakhulu ngemva kokuvakashela udokotela, owathi amathuba okuba nengane enempilo kuye ayambalwa futhi embalwa. "Ngiyazi ukuthi u-Igor wayekade ephikisana nezingane, futhi ngaphambi kwalokho ngajabula ngakho. Kodwa manje ngiyaqonda ukuthi ngifuna ngempela ingane. Ngiyayithanda umyeni wami, kodwa angikwazi ukumkholisa ... "Ngokuvamile isinqumo sokubeletha ingane yisifiso esingokwemvelo sabantu abashadile ngesigaba esithile sokuthuthukiswa kobudlelwane, lapho" ukungena "komunye nomunye kuphelile. Khona-ke abashadile bazwa isidingo sokuthuthukiswa okuqhubekayo, ukuqhubeka nothando lwabo emntwaneni. Uma, emva kwesikhathi eside ngemuva kokubunjwa komndeni, omunye wabashade naye ulungele ukuzalwa kwengane, kanti okwesibini akufuni, kuyadingeka ukuthola izizathu bese uzama ukuthola ukuyekethisa kobudlelwane obuseduze.
Uma ekuqaleni bobabili bobabili bahlela izingane ezihlangene, kodwa isikhundla somunye wabo (ngokuphindaphindiwe - amadoda) ashintshiwe, futhi ngesimo sesigaba ("Angifuni ukuba nengane"), lokhu kungabonisa ingxabano ebuhlotsheni. Ngokuvamile kwenzeka ukuthi owesifazane, engazi ngokuzwakalayo ukuhlukumezeka okukhulayo emndenini, ufuna ukubeletha ingane ukuze aqinise umshado, kodwa umuntu ophendula nezinguquko ebuhlotsheni akakwazi ukunquma ngesinyathelo esinjalo. Kulokhu, lo wesifazane udinga ukuqonda ukuthi ingane ayiyona indlela yokuxazulula inkinga, futhi esimeni sokukhushulwa esikukhulayo, ukubukeka kwayo kuzokwandisa ukucindezeleka. Okokuqala udinga ukusungula ubudlelwane emndenini, ngokuzimela noma ngosizo lwabachwepheshe ukubuyisela isimo esimnandi, bese uphakamisa inkinga yezingane.
Esikhathini sika-Igor noNataliya, le ndoda ingakaze ikhulume ngomzuzu wokukhulelwa nokukhushulwa ngesimo sakhe, ngakho-ke angeke asolwa ngokuthi "ukukhohlisa okulindelekile" noma "ukubhubhisa amathemba." Futhi okokuqala, uNatalika kufanele achaze umyeni wakhe ukuthi yini eshintshile esimweni sakhe sengqondo kulokhu, ngaphandle kwemizwa, kufaka phakathi amaqiniso asemqoka, njengesiphetho sesigqirha. Kubalulekile ukumtshela ukuthi bangahle balahlekelwe ithuba lokuba nomntwana, nokuthi kungakanani kunzima kuNataliya. Uma kunjalo ku-Igor uhlala eqinile, kungenzeka ukuthi unezizathu ezizwakalayo zesinqumo esinjalo. Mhlawumbe uyazi ngezinye zezidalwa zakhe ezingalungile, ezingadluliselwa kumntanakho, noma abe nolwazi olubuhlungu lobuzali futhi wesaba ukuphindaphinda. Kunoma yikuphi, uNatalika angacelwa ukuba athole ngokucacile izizathu zalesi sikhundla, hhayi kuphela ngo-Igor ngokwakhe, kodwa nakwezihlobo zakhe, ukuzama ukuthola umlando womshado wakhe wangaphambilini. Kubalulekile ukuvuselela umyeni esikhundleni sokuthi "Angizange nginezingane" esikhundleni "Nginezizathu zokungafuni ingane", lezi zinkinga zingabhekana ndawonye. U-Natalia kufanele akhulume nomyeni wakhe hhayi nje ngesifiso sakhe sokuba nomntwana, kodwa nangeminye imizwa yakhe, ukumqinisekisa ukuthi uyaziqonda futhi ulungele ukufuna ukuzithengisa, kodwa uthemba ukuqonda okufanayo ngezidingo zakhe. Mhlawumbe lo mbhangqwana kufanele uqale ukukhuluma ngezingane okwesikhashana, ukuze kungabi yinto yokukhulisa isimo sempi emndenini, futhi ngalesi sikhathi ukuvakashela ochwepheshe abangasiza ukuqonda izizathu zokungafuni ukuhlala nengane (isazi sezinqondo, i-geneticist, isazi sokuhlela umndeni). Futhi uNataliya angelulekwa ukuba anciphise ingcindezi ku-Igor, kodwa umcele ahambe naye kudokotela wakhe ukuze athole ulwazi "isandla sokuqala." Umbono wezazi ezigunyazayo kungenzeka ukuthi okokuqala ngenza umuntu angabaze ukufaneleka kwembono wakhe. Into eyinhloko ukuqala ukuxazulula okuqhubekayo kwenkinga yezingane.
Amaphutha ayisisekelo
Ngokuvamile kubesifazane ungayithola le nkulumo: "Umyeni wami akafuni ingane, ngingamkholisa kanjani?" Nazi izimiso ezimbalwa abesifazane okufanele bazicabangele ngokuziphatha kwabo:
• Kubalulekile ukuzama ukuqonda ukuthi yini eyashukumisela umyeni wakho, umamukele njengoba ekhona, futhi umbonise ukuqonda kwakho.
• Ungesabi lokho okuzokwenzeka uma umyeni engavumelani nawe, kungcono ukudweba isithombe esihle sekusasa elikulindele uma uzokuhlangabeza.
• Ungalindeli imiphumela esheshayo. Kuthatha isikhathi somuntu lapho isikhundla sakho, okokuqala udelele kuye, sibe yisifiso sakhe.
• Ukulingana nokuhlelwa komphakathi kungabasizi ababi. Zivumelanise nezimo futhi ubheke ukuyekethisa. Kubalulekile ukuthola lawo maphuzu lapho izithakazelo zakho zihambelana nomyeni wakho okungenani kancane. Isibonelo, uma umyeni wakho manje engaphupha njengengane, kodwa emotweni entsha, cabanga lokhu njengoba ulungiselela ukuzalwa komntwana futhi uhlele ukuthenga imoto yomndeni. Futhi noma ngabe umbono wakho nomyeni wakho mayelana nomntwana uhlukile kakhulu, ngokuqinisekile nonke unesithakazelo ekulondolozeni nasekuthuthukiseni ubuhlobo bakho. Ngakho-ke, vumelana ngomkhawulo wesikhathi olungele ukuhlehlisa kabusha izinhlelo zokukhulelwa. Ukuzalwa kwengane kuyinjabulo enkulu kanye nomthwalo omkhulu, ngakho-ke, ukuze ukhulelwe ukujabulisa abalingani bobabili, futhi ingane izalwa ngothando nokuvumelana, kubalulekile ukwenza imizamo eningi! Manje siyazi ukuthi benzeni uma umyeni engafuni ingane.