Umngane oswele akayikuyeka, angeke abuze okungenangqondo, yilokho okuyiqiniso, umngane othembekile kusho ... Lawa magama avela engoma yezingane aveza umqondo oyinhloko osuselwa emcabangweni othi "ubungane". Kodwa ubungani buhlukile.
Uma amadoda enobungane, lokhu kubangela inhlonipho, ubungane besifazane bubangela ukuzwakalisa, kodwa uma indoda nowesifazane bengabangani, lokhu kubangela ukungathembeki, ukwesaba futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nokufutheka. Kunokuba kubangelwa nokuthi kungani "cha", asiqonde ndawonye.
Okokuqala, lo mbono wokuthi "ubungane" besilisa nabesifazane unencazelo ehlukile ngokuyisisekelo.
Uma ubungane besifazane bubonisa ubuhlobo bokuthembela, okusho ukuthi abesifazane bathanda ukuthululela umphefumulo womunye nomunye, banikeze iseluleko, bangaxoxani nje kuphela ngabesifazane, kodwa futhi nabo bangamadoda, ubuhlobo besilisa busekelwe esenzweni - amadoda angathandi ukubonakala ebuthakathaka, empeleni, abakusho okuningi, kulula ukuba bakwenze. Khumbula, uvame ukumbona indoda ekhuluma efonini nomngani wayo isikhathi noma ihora? Noma amadoda axoxa kuphela ngomkhankaso ozayo womdlalo webhola?
Okwesibili, ukuphazamiseka, njengama-taboos, kunamandla kakhulu ezingqondweni zethu. Ubuhlobo phakathi kwabantu abanobulili obufanayo buqondakala kithi, okwamukelekayo, lesi simo sokwemvelo. Yiqiniso, kungenzeka ukuthi ubungane phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane kuyabonakala, akukwazi ukugwema, ngoba kunendawo okumele ibe kuyo. Omunye umbuzo ukuthi kungani amanye amadoda efuna ubungane nowesifazane ohlangothini, kanti abesifazane bakhetha ukwabelana ngemicabango yabo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo kanye nomlingani wesilisa, futhi bambheke ngobuqotho njengomngane wabo?
Isimo sicacile futhi sibala uma umndeni ungakolunye uhlangothi lwesilinganiso. Abangane ngokuvamile basinika okuthile okuthi, ngeshwa, umndeni awukwazi ukunikeza: isibonelo, singakwazi ukuxoxa nabo ngezihloko umndeni owuvumile. Lezi zihloko zivame ukukhathazeka ngezinye izikhathi ezingalungile, izenzo ezanele, imizwa nokuhlangenwe nakho. Isibonelo, indoda ayicabangi ngisho nokutshela umkakhe ukuthi uyathanda omunye wesifazane, noma ukuthi ulahlekelwe imali enkulu ekhasino, futhi ngezinye izikhathi avume kumkakhe nakubantu abaseduze ukuthi uyagula. Ngakho kunzima ukuthi owesifazane atshele umyeni wakhe ukuthi ubulili bakhe bube buhle kakhulu noma ukuthi ufuna ukuba yedwa.
Lolu hlobo lwendawo, kokubili owesilisa nowesifazane, lubeletha uhlobo oluthile lobuhlobo, lapho ukuqonda okufanayo kwabantu abonakala sengathi "bangaphandle" befinyelela emphakathini wobungane bangempela. Futhi lokhu akulona ngengozi: Yebo, amadoda angenza okuthile komunye nomunye, kodwa angahlanganyeli ngemfihlo. Bashiya imicabango yabo yangaphakathi kumfazi wabo. Futhi akuzona ngaso sonke isikhathi lo wesifazane ophendukela ekubeni ngumkakhe.
Kwabangani besilisa, owesifazane angaphendukela "emaphethelweni abukhali" wesimo sabantu besifazane, abembulele ukuthi yini efihla kubangani bakhe. "Kuzo zonke ubudlelwane obuseduze phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane, ubulili bufihliwe endaweni ethile," kusho isazi senhlalo yezenhlalo uLilian Rubin, "Yenza lobu buhlobo bukhangele futhi bujabulise kakhulu, kodwa iningi labesilisa nabesifazane liyavuma ukuthi ukungena ebuhlotsheni obuseduze kuyingozi enkulu ubungane, ngoba ubulili bubangela ukufisa, okungahambisani nobungane. " Akuwona wonke umngane omuhle angaba ngumthandi. Abanye abesilisa nabesifazane bayakwazi ukuhlanganisa ngempumelelo ubungane nokuthokozisa ngokocansi, kodwa abangane abaningi bezocansi ezahlukene baqaphele ngokucophelela leli thuba ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Ubuhlobo beqiniso manje buyinto engavamile, zibuze umbuzo olula: bangobani abangane bakho abangcono kakhulu? Nginesiqiniseko sokuthi impendulo izosenza silinde, ngoba sibeka incazelo eningi ebusweni begama elithi "ubungane". Ubuhlobo abukwazi ukuhlukaniswa ngokusho kobulili, abantu esibheka ukuthi abangane bafanelwe, kodwa ngaphandle kwalokho akunakwenzeka.