Ukuzikhethela empilweni kunzima kakhulu

Kuhlale kunzima ukukhetha, ngisho noma kuthenga ukuthenga izicathulo. Kodwa lapho ezandleni zethu impilo nokufa kwabathandekayo noma isiphetho sethu siqu, ukhetho lulenga phezu kwamakhanda ethu ngenkemba yeDamocles. Kungenziwa lula ngokuqonda izisusa ezingaqondakali ezisiqondisa uma samukela (noma angamukeli) izinqumo ezithile. Sizokutshela ukuthi noma yikuphi okukhethayo ekuphileni kuyisinyathelo esiyinkimbinkimbi esenzweni nokubandlulula.

Inhlekelele ngokuphela kokujabula

Encwadini ka-William Styroon "uSophie's Choice", u-heroine, owawela ekamu lokuhlushwa, amaGestapo akhetha ukuphila ekuphileni okunzima kakhulu: enye yezingane zakhe ezimbili - indodana noma indodakazi - izobulawa ngokushesha, futhi ngubani oyosindiswa ngokuphila. Ephendula lo mbuzo, wazilahla iminyaka eminingi yokuhlupheka futhi, nakuba ayebalekele ekamu lokuhlushwa, wazibulala, engakwazi ukuzwa imizwa yecala.

Ucabanga ukuthi ngaphambi kokunye okunjalo nokuzikhethela empilweni yesimo esiyinkimbinkimbi, owesifazane angabekwa kuphela empini? Maye, cha. Ngemuva kwe-tsunami eThailand ngonyaka ka-2004, umhlaba wonke wagijima indaba ye-Australian Gillian Searle. Wayehlezi ogwini kanye namadodana akhe: u-Blake unyaka nonyaka noLachi oneminyaka engu-5 ubudala, lapho kufika umvuthwandaba wokuqala. UGillian wabamba izingane - futhi wabona ukuthi uthathwa yilokho olwandle olwandle.

Ukuze uzisindise , kwadingeka ubambe esihlahleni somuthi wesundu, okusho ukuthi enye yezingane kufanele ikhishwe. "Nganquma ukuthi kungaba ngcono uma bekudala," etshela izintatheli kamuva. Kodwa uLachi akakwazanga ukugebha, esaba amanzi futhi wancenga unina ukuba amsindise. UGillian wabuza owesifazane ukuthi abambe umfana eceleni kwakhe. Konke kwenzeka emasekhondini, futhi manje walahlekelwa yindodana yakhe. Le ndaba, ngokungafani neveli, inokuphela okujabulisayo. Umsakazo wase-Australia walondoloza umntwana, kanti umdala yena nomyeni wakhe bahlaselwa phansi amahora amabili emva kwenhlekelele: nakuba lona wesifazane wesinye isizwe waphonsa futhi, wahamba ngandlela-thile njengenja ehhotela futhi wakhuphuka egumbini lapho amanzi ayevele egijima khona. Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa kamuva, lapho amaSearles efika ekhaya, lo mfana wayesalokhu ekhala njalo futhi ephethe isandla sikanina.

UGilian wahamba kanjani ngalokhu? Kungani ayeke ukuhamba kwengane endala? Wayengazi yini ukugebha, njengomncane? Njengoba kunikezwe ukuthi isinqumo kufanele senziwe ngokushesha, kwakuyisinqumo esinzima empilweni, ngokusekelwe emizweni yakhe yangempela kanye nemibono engaqondakali, ngaphandle kokucabangela imibono yabanye noma izimiso zokuziphatha. Ezimweni ezinjalo, uma, uthi, udinga ukukhetha ukuthi ubani ozolondoloza emlilweni: umfazi noma ingane, umuntu ugcina umuntu obaluleke kakhulu kuye ngezizathu ezinhle. Basindisa lowo abathandayo, noma lowo ozizwa enecala, noma "oba nzima", uthi, ingane ephuzile futhi ehlukumezayo. Izizathu zingahluka.

Into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuthi lo wesifazane wenza ukukhetha empilweni kunzima kakhulu, futhi akazange amshiye, kungenjalo wonke umuntu wayezofa. Ungumama omuhle, ngoba u-intuitively wazi ukuthi iyiphi yezingane enamathuba amaningi. Futhi wavuzwa ngesibindi sakhe nguNkulunkulu noma isiphetho.


Ngamanga ngamawele

Ukhetho oluzayo empilweni luyinkinga kakhulu esimweni esibucayi - isilingo esingavamile esiwela eqenjini labantu abambalwa. Kodwa ngamunye wethu kwakudingeka akhethe umsebenzi, amadoda, abangane, ikusasa. Kungani kunzima kangaka ukukhetha?

Ngoba kufanele sishiye wonke amathuba ngaphandle kweyodwa. Sibhekana nakho kusengaphambili njengokuhlukanisa, ukulahlekelwa okuthile okubalulekile. Esinye isiguli sesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, owesifazane osemusha, akakwazanga ukukhulelwa isikhathi eside, wenza imizamo eminingi ekuqothulweni kokufakelwa, futhi ekugcineni, odokotela bathi konke kwakunjalo. Kodwa okungajwayelekile kulo mkhuba wukuthi amaqanda amaningana akhishwa ngesikhathi esisodwa. Kwakudingeka ukhethe ukuthi yiziphi ezizoshiya nokuthi yiziphi okuzozisusa. Ngamunye wezingane ezizayo kuyithuba elijabulisayo, wonke umuntu angaba yingcweti, omuhle, iqhawe le-Olimpiki, nje ingane encane futhi ethandekayo ... Ngaphansi kwethonya lokucabanga ngomama ojabulayo akakwazanga ukukhetha futhi ashiya wonke amaqanda amane. Manje unamawele amane, futhi ungacabanga ukuthi umthwalo obi kangakanani lokhu. Owesifazane wangikhalaza ngoba ukukhathazeka ezinganeni akumvumeli ukuba aphile impilo evamile. Ufihla zonke izinto ezibukhali, wafaka indlu nge-alamu, ebusuku cishe akalala futhi angakwazi ukuhlala eyedwa nezingane - kuphela phambi kwendoda yakhe. Eqinisweni, imicabango yakhe ekhungathekile mayelana nengozi noma ukuhlaselwa kwabaphangi yimbangela yokuthi yena waxosha inzondo yakhe ezinganeni. Yebo, akakwazi ngakho. Umama onakekelayo futhi onomusa wangaphandle, wabonisa iphutha lomama omuhle, umqondo wokuthi ungowesifazane ongefani nezinye, umama ohlukile ongazange alahlekelwe yizingane zakhe (ngisho nasesiteji seqanda). Kodwa yeka ukuthi kubiza kanjani izindleko!


Izibonelo ezifanayo , lapho umuntu engakwazi ukukhetha ematheni amabili omuhle kakhulu, ngoba unesihe ngemibono yamanga, kuyisixuku. Esinye isiguli sesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo isikhathi eside sasingabaza ukuthi kufanele senze kanjani: ukuhlala nomyeni wakhe, umuntu ohlakaniphile, ohlakaniphile, ofundiswe naye njalo othakazelisayo, noma oya kumthandi wakhe - futhi akayena oyisiphukuphuku, kodwa elula, kepha ngemali, uphumelele. Ngakhetha isahlukaniso, ngishada nomthandi, kodwa ngiyaqhubeka ngihlupheka. Akwanele ukwenza ukhetho lwangaphandle, lokho kuyisenzo. Into esemqoka ukukhetha kwangaphakathi. Uma umuntu esilungele ukubhekana nokulahlekelwa kwamanye amathuba, kukhona ukucubungula kwengqondo nokwengqondo kokulahleka, njengoba abahlinzeki bethi, inqubo yokulila. Ukuqedile, ungaphila. Kodwa abaningi abakwazi ukwamukela ukulahlekelwa, izimpilo zabo ziphendukela esihogweni. Lo wesifazane akakakabikho ukulahlekelwa kwakhe, uhlala elahlekelwa okuthile, unenkinga yokucindezeleka. Akenzanga ukhetho lwangaphakathi. Kusabonakala kuye ukuthi angase abe nomlingani ohlangabezana ngokugcwele nezidingo zakhe: kokubili ohlakaniphile, othokozayo, nokuzijabulisa, futhi ocebile. Kodwa empeleni lokhu akukwenzeka.


Indawo yokuhlala engenasiphelo

Esinye isizathu sokuba ukhethe ukuphila kunzima ngokwanele, kuba umsebenzi onzima-ukungathandi ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo. Ngokombono kaDemyan Popov, esimeni sethu ukhetho luyinkimbinkimbi yokuthi thina, ngokungafani nabaseYurophu nabaseMelika, ngokwemvelo sihlobene kakhulu nabazali, umndeni, umndeni. Kumelwe sihloniphe futhi sisekele izingane, sinikeze isixhumanisi esinamandla phakathi kwezizukulwane. Iwadi, ngakolunye uhlangothi, inikeza umuzwa wokulondeka, ngakolunye uhlangothi - ayivumeli ukukhula. Abantu abasha abafuni futhi abazi ukuthi baphendule kanjani impilo yabo. Isibonelo, umfana osanda kusebenza ngenkinga enjalo: waphumelela ekolishi, kodwa akayithandi okukhethekile, futhi ngeke anqume ukuthi benzeni. Ngazama umsebenzi owodwa, omunye, ngayeka futhi ngangihlala ekhaya, kumama ngaphansi kwephiko. Kubonakala sengathi lokhu kuyindlela yokuzikhethela, kodwa empeleni kuyisinqumo phakathi kwamathuba amabili: ukuhola impilo yabantu abadala kanye nakho konke okufanelekayo nokulahlekelwa phansi noma ukuhlala ingane. Abangane, intombazane, ubaba unxusa umfana ukuthi athole, ekugcineni, umsebenzi othile, waba ngumuntu ozimele. Intombazane isongela ukuhamba. Abangane abasamememeli e-cafe, ngoba akanakho imali. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, umama omuhle, akukho okumele akhathazeke ngakho. Lo mfana udinga ukuqedela inqubo yokuhlukanisa, okwenzeka ezinyathelweni eziningana: ukusika intambo yomzimba, ukugoma, isigaba sokuqala, isikhathi sokukhulelwa, bese izinkukhu kumele ziphume esibhedlela. Ukuhlukana kunzima uma izingane ezikhulile zihlala nabazali bazo.


Ama-scandals asekhaya asetshenziselwa umama nomyeni kuyisijeziso semikhaya esaphoqelelwe ukuba sihlale ensimini efanayo. Ngokusho kukaDemyan Popov, esimweni lapho owesifazane ethola "emkhatsini wemililo emibili" - ukucasuka komama ongazange amjabulise umkhwenyana nomthetho womkhwenyana ongathandi umamazala wakhe - ukukhetha akukwenzeki. Owesifazane omdala kufanele akwazi ukudweba umugqa phakathi kokuphila kwakhe siqu nomndeni wabazali bakhe. Ungalalela izimpikiswano zezihlobo, kodwa udinga ukubazisa ngokuqinile ukuthi nakuba ubathanda, uzobhekana nokuphila kwakho ngokuzimela. Okufanayo kusebenza nobuhlobo bomyeni nezihlobo zakhe.

Uma umuntu ethatha umthwalo wemfanelo futhi enza izinqumo ekuphileni kwezimo ezinzima kakhulu kuzo zonke izenzo zakhe, kuba lula ukuhlala. Kufika umuzwa wenkululeko. Kukhona ithuba lokubona, kunokugcwalisa izifiso nemibono yomuntu. Uma umuntu eqaphela, uphila impilo ejabulisayo, ukhetho olusha olusha luba buhlungu kakhulu kuye, ngoba uthola ukulahlekelwa kalula.


Ama-Daffodils ku-Titanic

Umphumela wazo zonke izinqumo eziphathekayo empilweni ziyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu, lowo ngaphambi kwethu ngomqondo othile usungulwe ngaphambilini ngomlando wethu siqu kanye nesakhiwo se-psyche. Isibonelo, uma isinqumo esenziwe senza umonakalo kumuntu, iningi labantu lizizwa licala. Kodwa abanye kuphela benza ukhetho olubalulekile ngaphansi kwethonya lalo mzwa. Omunye wabangane bami, indoda eshadile, wabhekana kabi nenkosikazi encane, kodwa akazange acabange ngesehlukaniso. Umkakhe ubopha umthwalo nesihawu: ugula ngesifo sikashukela.


Umqondo ovamile wecala ufakwe kwisakhiwo se-psyche. Abazali bachazela ingane ukuthi yini okumelwe kwenziwe, futhi yini engenakwenziwa, ngaleyo ndlela yakha i-super-ego yakhe. Ukwenza izinto ezingalungile, uzizwa enecala. Kodwa ngobuningi bempahla yokucindezeleka ehlambalaza, umuzwa wecala ukhula esilinganisweni sezinkinga. Futhi, ngokuphambene nalokho, kubantu bezinhlobo ze-psychopathic, i-super-ego necala lingekho emthethweni - isuswa esikhundleni sokwesaba. I-psychopath izokwenza isinqumo, iqondiswe ukwesaba yena, futhi izintshisekelo zabanye abantu azikhathazi nhlobo. I-Psychopath ngokuvamile iba izingane ezingenamakhaya noma izingane ezivela emindenini engasebenzi kakhulu, okungabikho ongayinakekela.

Kodwa ubuntu bendawo yokugcinwa kwezinto ezinomlando kunomqondo omkhulu kakhulu wehlazo. Uma sinomuzwa wecala lapho senza okuthile okungahambisani namazinga ethu angaphakathi, khona-ke ukujabha ukwesaba ukubheka okubi emehlweni abantu. Kule nkantolo, kungenakubekezela ukuthi ubonakale buthakathaka, kungenakulinganiswa, kunesidingo sento ethile. Kwesinye isikhathi, angathanda ukudela ukuphila kwakhe kunokuba azithobe phambi komuntu. Ake sikhumbule, isibonelo, indaba edabukisayo ye-Titanic. Ngesikhathi abagibeli bekilasi lesibili nelesithathu beqhuma izikebhe, abahlonishwayo egumbini lokuphumula babephuza i-champagne. Imfundo ayizange ivumele ukuba bahlanganyele kule mpikiswano engcolile. Bakhetha ukushabalala, kodwa ukugcina isithunzi.

Ubuntu bezinto okuthiwa yi-obsessive-compulsive type buholela emicabangweni nasezenzweni ezicashile, ngakho-ke, akunakuze wenze ukhetho lokugcina. Umuntu onjalo uyoshintsha izinqumo ngokungapheli noma wenqabe ukukhetha nhlobo, ngoba uyamesaba. Ekukhethweni akubonanga amathuba, kodwa izicupho: ngakwesobunxele uyohamba - uzolahlekelwa yihhashi, ngakwesokudla uzohamba - inkemba iyophuka ... Uma abanye bekeza lo muntu iseluleko, njalo uthola ukuphikisana: "Kuhle, kodwa ...".


Isizathu sokungacabangi singase silale kwenye: ngokwesaba ukuhlukunyezwa. Ukuhlukumeza kukhona kuwo wonke umuntu, kodwa kwabanye abantu ukubonakaliswa kwayo akuvunyelwe. Uma ukuhlukunyezwa komndeni kubhekwa njengento engamukeleki futhi eyesabekayo, noma uma abazali bengavumeli ingane ukuba iveze izidingo zabo nemizwa yangempela, ikhula ingavikelekile, incike, futhi iyingane. Emiphumela efanayo kungabangela ukushaqeka okukhulu okwenzeka ebuntwaneni. Omunye umfana, esemncane, washaya omunye umfana ngetshe futhi wesaba kakhulu ukuthi umbulale. Kusukela ngaleso sikhathi, kukhona ukuvinjelwa kwangaphakathi kokuhlukunyezwa kuye. Akazizwa entukuthelo, akaqapheli ukuthi uthukuthele, akakwazi ukumelana namathonya angaphandle futhi ngenxa yalokho aphila impilo yomunye umuntu. Umsebenzi wethu ukumsiza uqaphele intukuthelo yakhe, bese ufunda ukuthi uyayichaza kanjani.


Isibonelo esingokomfanekiso somuntu onjalo yi-hero ye "Autumn Marathon". Akakwazi ukuphika noma ubani, ukucasula noma ubani, futhi yingakho engakwazi ukukhetha phakathi kwabesifazane ababili. Ngesinye isikhathi, lapho intaba enkulu ingeziwe ezinkingeni ezinkulu, ngokuzumayo uqhuma: uyamemeza komunye osebenza naye oye wahlala entanyeni iminyaka eminingi; wenqaba ukuxhaphaza izandla ne-scoundrel. Umbukeli unethemba lokuthi uzothatha isiphetho ngezandla zakhe, wenze isinqumo esibalulekile ... Kodwa lokhu kuyinkolelo. Isiphetho sokwemvelo sibonisa umlingisi ogijima ngaphansi kwemvula ekwindla: yena, njengenjwayelo, ubalekela izinselele zokuphila eziphonsa.