Ukubhekana nosizi kuhamba ngezigaba eziningana ekuthuthukisweni kwayo. Ngemva nje kokuthola izindaba zokushona komuntu othandekayo, lo muntu ubhekana nokuthuthumela futhi, nakuba ingqondo iyaqonda ukuthi othandekayo ufile, ayikwazi ukuyiqonda ngokugcwele futhi ayizwe. Uyakwazi ukuhlela imingcwabo nokwenza izimo eziningi, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo uyamangalisa futhi enza njengokungathi usebenza ngendlela. Lesi sigaba sokuthuthumela ngokuvamile sihlala ezinsukwini ezimbalwa kuya kwesonto.
Esikhathini esizayo, ukushaqeka kuthatha indawo yokuqwashisa - kukhona izinyembezi, umuzwa wecala ("Ngingumntwana omubi," "umfazi omubi," "ukumnakekelwa kancane" ...). Umuntu ugxila ezintweni nasezinto ezihlobene nomuntu oshonile, ekhumbula izenzakalo ezixhunywe naye, amazwi akhe, imikhuba, njll. Ngokuvamile kukhona ukucabanga okubukwayo nokubukezwayo - izingoma ezingaphandle, izithunzi ezisodongeni zibonwa njengezinyathelo noma izinkomba zesibalo somuntu oshonile, umuntu uhlangabezana nezinzwa zokuba khona kwakhe endlini. Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho ngokuvamile kuvame ngamaphupho.
KUBALULEKILE! Ukutholakala kwemibono eminingi, lapho umuntu isikhathi eside ezwa izwi lomuntu oshonile, ekhuluma naye, embona, efakazela umlingisi wezobuhlungu obhekene nokubhekana nesifo futhi adinga ukwelashwa.
Isimo sokucindezeleka, ngokungafani nesimo sengqondo esibi, sinokufana kwangaphandle nesenzo esivamile, esingenasifo sokukhathazeka. Kujwayele abantu abaningi abaye babhekana nokulahlekelwa kokuphila okunzima, ngokuvamile ukushona komuntu othandekayo. Ukubhekana nosizi kuyisiphetho sezenzakalo ezinjalo ezimangalisayo. Kulesi sigaba, kunezibonakaliso ezifana nokucindezeleka - ukunciphisa umzimba, ukuphuza imoto, ukulahlekelwa ukudla. Efaniswa nomuzwa wecala lokuthi akuyona yonke into eyenziwe ukugcina impilo yomuntu oshonile. Ngokuvamile kukhona umuzwa wokuzonda odokotela nakwezinye izihlobo "abangazange bafeze umsebenzi wabo." Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ubukhulu balezi zimpawu abukhuni kangangokuba umuntu akafezi imisebenzi yakhe yasendlini, akakwazi ukubuyela emsebenzini noma ukugwema ukuxhumana. Lezi zibonakaliso zigcina ezinyangeni ezimbili kuya kwezingu-4 futhi kufanele zixazululwe zingakapheli izinyanga ezingu-5-6. Ubunzima bokulahlekelwa buthakathaka, izimpawu zokucindezeleka ziyahamba, ukuhlukana ngokomzwelo nomuntu oshonile kuphelile, futhi umuntu uphindela ngokugcwele ekuphileni.
Ukudabuka nokucindezeleka akuyona into efanayo. Uma okokuqala konke okuhlangenwe nakho kuhlobene eduze nokulahlekelwa okuzwakalayo futhi kuyaqondakala kwengqondo, esimweni sesibili, isimo sengqondo esiphansi ngokuvamile singaqondakali futhi singenakuqondakala kwabanye, ikakhulukazi uma umuntu ehle kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, abantu abasesimweni esibuhlungu njalo bavusa ububele nokuqonda phakathi kwabantu, ngenkathi besesimweni sokucindezeleka - ukungabi nokuqonda ngisho nokucasuka.
Lapho uzwa usizi, umuntu wonke akahlupheki ukuzihlonipha, izahlulelo zakhe kukho konke okungathinti ukulahleka zizwakala futhi zingaguquki. Kukhona inhlonipho ngokwakho, umuzwa wecala awutholi uhlamvu oluphelele noma olungenangqondo, olungenangqondo, akukho mqondo yokufa komuntu siqu. Akunakucatshangwa kokungabi nalutho, ukuhlolwa okungenangqondo akudingi esikhathini esedlule, kungabi yikusasa, umuntu uyaqaphela ukuthi impilo iyaqhubeka. Izimpawu zomzimba zokucindezeleka ("itshe enhliziyweni", njll) azibi kangako, ama-nature awacindezeli kakhulu.
Ngakho-ke, okuhlangenwe nakho okujwayelekile, okungekho okuphathelene nokuhlupheka noma nje isimo sengqondo esibi sibonakala. Akudingi ukwelashwa, kodwa kudinga ukuzwelana, usizo kanye nokusekelwa kwengqondo kwabanye. Ukuze abhekane nosizi lwakhe, umuntu kufanele enze umsebenzi othile wengqondo, ophikisayo kanye nezingqondo ze-psychotherapists ezibiza ukuhlushwa kokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu ("umsebenzi wokudabuka"). Ukuze enze lokhu, kumele aqede ukucabanga nokuphoqa, aqaphele ngokucacile ukuthi ukuphila kuphelile, uvuko alunakwenzeka futhi ukuhlukana nabathandekayo kulindeleke ngamunye wethu.
Uma omunye wezihlobo zakho ehlupheka, kufanele uzame ukusondela kuye, umnike ithuba lokukhuluma nokukhala. Ungamniki iseluleko "sokungacabangi ngaso", "ukuphazamisa", "ukuphonsa konke okukhanda", njll. - azidingekile futhi azilimaze, ngoba zivimbela ukusabela kokulimala. Njalo gcizelela isimo sesikhashana sesimo sakhe. Isikhathi esithile (amasonto amabili) umuntu udinga ukuphumula nokunciphisa umthwalo, ushintsho esimweni luzoba usizo. Utshwala ezimweni ezinjalo lusiza kabi, ngoba lunikeza usizo olulodwa nje lwesikhashana.
Esimweni esidabukisayo, abantu ngokuvamile, kuhlanganise nezeluleko zodokotela, baqala ukuthatha izinkathazo, "ukuzola." Ungenzi lokhu ngoba ukuphazamiseka kunciphisa "umsebenzi wokudabuka". Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokusetshenziswa isikhathi eside nokungalawulwa, le mithi ingabangela ukulutha nokuthembela. Kwezinye izimo, impendulo yokubuhlungu ingaba buhlungu uma umuntu eqhubeka ekhonjelwe usizi ngakho-ke udinga ukunakekelwa kwezokwelapha. Lokhu kuboniswa yizibonakaliso ezilandelayo:
• mkhulu kunokujwayelekile, isikhathi saso, lapho isigaba sokuqala sithatha amasonto angaphezu kwamabili, ukusabela konke - izinyanga ezingaphezu kwezi-6. Uma, ngemuva kwezinyanga ezimbili ngemuva kokulahlekelwa, kusadingeka ukuthi kube nesifo esicindezelayo sokucindezeleka, kuyadingeka ukuba uthathe ukutholakala kwesiqephu esicindezelayo - usizo lomqondo wezifo zengqondo (isifo sengqondo sengqondo) siyadingeka;
• mkhulu kunokujwayelekile, ukujula kokuhlangenwe nakho, lapho behambisana nokugwema okuphelele ukuxhumana nabanye futhi abakwazi ukubuyela emsebenzini;
• umqondo ozwakalayo wecala, kunokwesimiso, kuze kube yilapho umuntu ebeka icala, okuwukuthi, uma le micabango ingavumelani nokuyiqiniso futhi umuntu akayikuyiqeda;
• uma umuntu eveza imicabango ecacile ngokuzibulala;
• isimo sokulibazisa sempendulo yokucindezeleka, lapho kungenzeki ngokushesha, kodwa emva kwesikhathi eside ngemuva kokulahlekelwa.
Uma ubona ukubukeka kwanoma yimiphi izimpawu ezingenhla kusuka kusondelene nawe, usizi olubi, kusho ukuthi udinga ukufuna usizo kumuntu osebenza ngengqondo noma, uma engekho, umqondo wezifo zengqondo. Ukusabela okwempikiswano kokudabuka kudinga kakhulu ukuphethwe kwengqondo, lapho isiguli siphinde "sithathwe" ngokusebenzisa okuhlangenwe nakho kwangaphambilini futhi sithola ithuba lokusabela kubo.
Ngabe iziphi izimo eziningi ezithinta izinhlungu zesibindi?
• uma ukufa komuntu othandekayo kungazelelwe futhi kungalindelekile;
• Uma lo muntu engenawo ithuba lokubona umzimba womuntu oshonile, yisho kuye futhi ubonise usizi ngokushesha ngemuva kwesenzakalo esibuhlungu (ukufa uma kwenzeka ukuzamazama komhlaba, izikhukhula, inhlekelele yemikhumbi yasolwandle, ukuqhuma, njll);
• Uma umuntu elahlekelwa abazali ebuntwaneni;
• Ukuchazwa kwesenzo sokwehlukumeza usizi kuqhubeka uma kwenzeka isimo esiphansi sezenhlalakahle, ngaphandle kokusekelwa kwezenhlalakahle, isizungu, kanye nokuxhomeka kotshwala.
Umehluko omkhulu phakathi kokucindezeleka kanye nomzwelo omubi kuphela umbono wezwe langempela ngumuntu. Umuntu osaphila ezimweni eziningi akadingi usizo lwezengqondo. Isizathu sokufuna usizo singama-atypicality (ukujula okukhulu nobude besikhathi), kanye nokusola kokunye ukugula kwengqondo okuye kwabonakala noma kwahlushwa ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo.