Ake sithi ngokweqiniso: wona kanye umbono wokuthi sikwazi ukuhawukela noma ubani ongenakubekezelela. Kodwa-ke, lokho esingakuhawukela, othandekayo bethu, sivumela ngokuzithandela okukhulu. Futhi lapho siphika ngokwengeziwe ukuthi singakwazi ukuzwa okunjalo, kakhulu ukusihlupha. Ngakho-ke, izazi zengqondo zeluleka, okungenani ngasese, ukulahla noma yiziphi izombusazwe futhi ukhumbule ukuthi lo mzwa usinikeze ngokwemvelo. Ngakho kulandela isiphetho: ngesizathu esithile, wayidinga. Ngokwezinga elithile, singakwazi ukulinganisa ubulili, lapho sazivumela khona ukuba siqaphele iqiniso elilula: konke okungokwemvelo, akusilo neze namahloni.
Inkinga yomona yayikhathaza izazi zefilosofi zenkathi yamaGreki. U-Aristotle uhlongoze "umbala wombala" owaziwa kakhulu umona - omnyama nomhlophe. Esimweni sokuqala, isifiso siyinhloko: "Ngifuna ukuthi ulahlekelwe lokho onakho." Lesi yisibonelo sobudala sokulimaza, noma somnyama, umona. Esikhathini sesibili: "Ngifuna ukuba nalokho onakho" - izimpawu zishintsha ngokuphawulekayo. Sekuyinto esemqoka yomhawu omhlophe, wokuncintisana. Ekugcineni, lolu hlobo lomona omhlophe oluba yinjini yezinhlelo eziningi zebhizinisi futhi lube yisisekelo sokuncintisana okunempilo nokuphikisana.
Indlela yokuphuza!
Njengoba okuhle kungekho ngaphandle kokubi, umona omhlophe kangaka awunakwenzeka ngokuphelele ngaphandle komnyama. Noma kunjalo: ngokuba ngokuvamile ewusizo futhi edingekayo, umona ungaba "uphazamise". Kodwa uma uthola inkathazo yesisu, ungasheshi ukukhipha? Ngokufanayo, kubalulekile "ukuphatha" umhawu, ukuze ushintshe umbala wawo kusuka ebumnyameni kuya ekukhanyeni. Futhi lokhu kungaphakathi kwamandla ethu.
Omunye wemisebenzi edumile kunazo zonke ozinikele enkingeni yomona, ungowomhlaziyi wesiNgisi uMelanie Klein. Encwadini yakhe ethi The Study of Envy and Gratitude, uthi umzwelo ungeke wazi ukuthi usemncane ebuhlotsheni phakathi komama nomntwana. Kuvela ukuthi ingane ihlangabezana nemizwa ephikisanayo ngokuphathelene nebele lomama. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lokhu kuyindlela yokwenza induduzo, ukuthula nokuvikeleka, okungukuthi, izinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ngaleso sikhathi. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, akakwazi ukukwenza konke lokhu futhi kufanele akhale izifiso zakhe. Ngakho-ke, isisekelo somona kusuka endaweni yokubukeka kwengqondo sigxile ngokoqobo ngamaconsi okuqala ebisi lomama. Kodwa-ke, okuningi, kunjalo, kuxhomeke ukuthi ubani othole ubuntwana. Ngemuva kwalokho, izici zobuntu bethu zibunjwa ngaphansi kwephahla lomzali, kanti icala lomona akuyona into ehlukile.
Ekuqaleni kusukela ebuntwaneni
Ngenxa yokuthi umntwana wakhulela kanjani nokuthi yiziphi izimo ezikhona, umona uzothola uhlobo oluthile noma olunye. Uma uthola ngokwanele futhi uziqiniseka ngokwengeziwe ukuthi ukhula, ukuthuthuka ngokwengeziwe umkhuba wokuzithemba wena nokwethembela kwabanye, umhawu ongaphansi uzoboniswa ekukhuleni.
Kodwa lokhu kuyabangela lo mzwa wokuthi abazali abanakho ukunakekelwa ngokwanele kwengane. Isibonelo sokuqala: Abantu abadala abahlala njalo bebambe iqhaza enkulisa yokugcina. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ubona ukuthi omama bafika ngesikhathi sikaPetya noma uMas. Ngakho, umhawu ungabonakala ngokuhlukumezeka: "Abazali ngeke bangithathe njengoPetya, futhi ngenxa yalokhu ngizophula umshini wakhe wokubhala."
Ukuhlinzeka isevisi nokuphefumula ngokweqile. Umntwana uthola iqiniso lokuthi noma yikuphi okushiwo yi-whims yakhe egcwaliseka ngaso leso sikhathi, futhi uthatha lesi simodeli kuze kube yilapho esekhulile, lapho eqhubeka engaqapheli khona ukulinda izinzuzo ezizolethwa kuye esitsheni sesiliva. Njengoba kungekho okufana nalokhu kwenzeka, umuntu uqala ukukhwele inhlanhla, njengoba kubonakala kuye, imvelo. Ngokuvamile, inkinga yomona ukuthi ngomqondo othile iba njengomculi ongabonakali, iso lakhe libonisa iqiniso ngendlela evelele kakhulu.
Nokho, njengoba wazi, asikhethi ubuntwana. Ngakho kufika isikhathi lapho udinga ukuzitholela ngokweqile, ngaphandle kwalokho kukhona ingozi yokuphenduka inkosi evela "Emzimbeni Ovamile", eqiniswe ukuthi ukuthulukisa ubuthi enkantolo kumenza abe nomkhuba ovela kumalume wakhe.
Vanderbildiha izoqhakazika!
Ngomhawu kusukela ekubukeni kwengqondo kwengqondo kukhona into ethakazelisayo: sibona umona kuphela labo abasondelene nombuthano wethu kanye nokuphila kwethu. Futhi encane ibanga eliphakathi kwethu nento yokukhwele, iphakamisa ingozi ukuthi umuzwa uzoqina. Ngemuva kwalokho, asifuni umona u-nee Princess Caroline noma u-Angelina Jolie! Kunalokho, silandela izindaba zabo, ezibikwa njalo yi-press, mayelana nemizwa efanayo lapho ebuntwaneni belalela khona izindaba zezintambo zikaKat ebhuthini. Izinkanyezi kithi - abalingiswa be-oda yama-fairytale, abahlala eqinisweni elifanayo, eliyingqikithi yenkolelo.
Yini ongayisho ngomcwaningi wamabhuku ophezulu L. Noma kunjalo, yilo P., futhi akuyona ikhamera Diaz, - ingxenye ebalulekile yokuphila kwethu. Phela, kwakunguye, hhayi i-Hollywood diva, eyasikhuphuka esikhwameni somsebenzi futhi wathatha isikhundla esasiyifunayo. Futhi manje uhamba eceleni kwamakhansela ngokubukeka okunqoba okunqobayo.
Amehlo e-Eyeshadow
Ezingeni lezenhlalakahle, isimo sengqondo esibhekene nabantu sivame ukuhawukela - asibi. Ngakho-ke, umbuzo: "Uyabona yini?" - impendulo evame kakhulu: "Cha, kahle, wena, angifuni noma ubani okubi."
Akekho oyoke avume ukuthi uyakunyukela. Kodwa-ke, ukuba yilezi zinzwa kuyingozi kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, njengoba bethi, musa ukuvuka. Qaphela ukungazwakali komlomo we-interlocutor yakho. Uma, ngenkathi ulalele, umuntu uthatha indlela evaliwe: ubheka kude, awela izingalo zakhe, izindaba ezithandekayo kufanele zimiswe. Ngesikhathi, lapho uxhumana, i-interlocutor "engekho ekhaya", kungenxa yokuthi uhlanganyele isiqephu esimnandi esivela empilweni yakho, lesi yisikhathi sokuzindla: ingabe lolu hlobo lomngane ofuna ukuvela?
Yiqiniso, ungazama ukuchitha isisusa somona. Ngesikhalazo sokuthi imisebenzi emisha ewa kuwe mayelana nokukhuthazwa ehhovisi, ungashiyi isikhathi sakho nhlobo. Futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, qinisekisa ukuthi ulwazi lufinyelela ezindlebeni ze-addressee. Kodwa-ke, izazi ze-psychology zisinxusa ukuba singaziqapheli futhi siziqaphe ngokucophelela: lokhu kuziphatha esizihlela ngokweqile ngokwehluleka.
Ungaphinde uhambe ngokuqondile ngendlela ehlukile futhi umemezele impi kumuntu onomona. Njengoba wazi izindawo zakhe ezibuthakathaka, ungakwazi ukulimaza ngokungapheli ukuziqhenya kwakhe, ngokungahambi kahle nge "calluses". Isibonelo, uma uhawukela ukubonakala kwakho nokuphumelela kobulili obuhlukile, hlala ngezikhathi ezijabulisayo zokuphila kwakho. Futhi uma umuntu onomona engathwali ukunakwa komuntu, qalisa ngokungaqondakali kanye nesabelo esingenakuphikiswa "samasitokisi aluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka". Umthetho wengqondo usasebenza: uma kunemibono eyenziwa ngumuntu, kunzima kakhulu ukugcina umugqa okhethiwe wokuziphatha. Futhi amathuba ethu okuwina ayanda. Kodwa-ke, le ndlela ifanele kuphela kulabo abathanda ngobuqotho ama-multi-stage engozini yokudlala. Futhi uma ungangeni kwinombolo yabo, kungcono ukugcina amandla ngemisebenzi eyakhayo eyengeziwe.
Enye indlela ukuzama ukuzihlukanisa nomuntu onomona esikhundleni sokuzimela. Okusho ukuthi, ukuletha lo muntu ngaphesheya kwemingcele yenzalo yakho. Iphuzu akukona ukukhulisa imizwelo emibi yesitha ngokucasula kwakho, kepha ukuwachitha. Yiphatha umona njengo ... kusimo sezulu esibi kakhulu. Awusoze ulahlekelwe intukuthelo uma imvula, kodwa nje thatha isambulela nawe. Uma kungenzeka ukuqala ibanga langaphakathi bese ukhohlwa ngomhlukumezi, khona-ke into ebaluleke kakhulu yenzeke: siyeka ukuba yisisulu esikhangayo kuye.
Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu: musa ukwahlulela umuntu onomona. Yebo, lo mzwa awukwazi ukubizwa ngokuthi mnandi, kodwa kuyimvelo futhi inokwemvelo kubo bonke abantu. Futhi kuhle kakhulu ukufunda ukuthi ungayiphatha kanjani. Ngoba, uma ucabanga ngakho, enye indlela yomona yizwe lamanoveli amahle kakhulu. Izakhamuzi zakhona ziyizidalwa ezinjenge-robot ezinamathuba ambalwa namathalenta. Yilapho kungekho ndawo yomona. Nokho, lokhu akuyona into ekhuthazayo, akunjalo?
Amahlaya ngenxa yokuphawula ukuthi iziguli ezithintekayo azihlali ziphazamisa njalo. Ngezinye izikhathi abaqapheli ukuthi isizathu sokukhathazeka kwangaphakathi yilo mzwa. Nasi isibonelo esibonisa lokhu: intombazane isikhalaze ukuthi isheshe itholakale nganoma yiluphi umsebenzi - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi amaphrojekthi amasha emsebenzini noma ukudansa. Futhi ngomlingiswa onobungane futhi onesihawu angeke alondoloze ubuhlobo obude nabantu. Sifike esiphethweni sokuthi isisekelo salokho okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe akusizi lutho. Ngesikhathi esesimweni somsebenzi omusha engasakwazi ukuthatha isikhundla esiphambili, waqala ukuzwa imizwa emibi ngokuqondene nalowo ophumelele. Futhi waphonsa umsebenzi. Kuyinto efanayo nabangane - ulwazi mayelana nempumelelo yabo alubekezeleleki. " Kodwa uma umhawu - umuzwa ongenangqondo, ke-ke, ungabhekana kanjani nakho?
Thola futhi unqande!
Isibonakaliso salokho okushiwo umhawu kuwe kungaba ukuqaphela ukuhlushwa komuntu ngokumelene neminye imipumelelo yabantu. Ngamanye amazwi, lapho uhlulwa ngokuzumayo ngendwangu evela endabeni mayelana nokuthi u-A. wayesebenzise kanjani ngokuphumelelayo ukuyothenga eMilan, futhi K. ekugcineni wanquma ukuklanywa kwendawo yokuhlala entsha, nabangane bakhe babonakala ngesikhathi esifanayo ne-dragonflies abangenangqondo "wonke umhlaba owahlabelela" futhi wena-ungenalutho olungenangqondo, ukhathele yi-ant ant, ngakho-ke, cishe, yilo-isihloko somlando wethu.
Kumele ngithi ukuhawukela akuyona into engenangqondo hhayi nje kuphela kwemizwelo nokuphila, kepha futhi nempilo. Futhi liyakwazi ngempela ukufaka umona ukucindezeleka kwangempela. Kodwa-ke, ungashiya konke okusemandleni akho, uthemba ukuthi "uqobo uzokuxazulula." Kodwa-ke, izazi zezokwelapha zithi izinkinga zethu, esingatholi isibindi sokuziqonda ngempela, siphume umlingisi, siphoqele ukubona yonke into emnyama.
Ngakho-ke, uma unqotshwa yi-rust of jealousy, kufanelekile ukuthatha izinyathelo ezithile ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Futhi owokuqala ukuqaphela ukuthi umuntu kufanele abe nomona ngenzuzo. Uma kunjalo, kubheka njengesizathu sokuthi siphumelele kakhulu.
Okokuqala, yeka ukuzishayela ngokwakho lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okungalungile. Uma kunjalo, kufanelekile ukuyiqaphela, ngemuva kwakho konke, akekho okudingayo ukuthi uphenduke emphakathini. Khumbula ukuthi umona ungumzwelo ovamile, kungokwemvelo futhi awunomhawu ngomuntu futhi akukho okungenakwenzeka. Njengoba sesiyeke ukuqiniseka ukuthi "umona uyisabelo sabantu abalahlekile", baqala ukuhumusha imizwelo evela esiteshini esibi sibe yinto enhle.
Wonke umdanso unenkinga. Kungaba usizo ukukhuluma "nento yokukhwele" mayelana nokuthi kwenzekani lezi noma ezinye izinzuzo. Umngane womsebenzi ngokushesha ushaqhelile? Kodwa cabanga ukuthi uhlangane kaningi kangakanani naye ngenyanga edlule. Ngakho-ke, ngezinye izikhathi akuyona into engacabangeki ukuzibuza umbuzo: "Ingabe kuyadingeka kimi?" Uma impendulo iveza ukuthi ilungile, khona-ke kuyadingeka ukuba udlule ukusuka esimweni esisezingeni eliphansi ukuya esiyisebenzayo.
Yenza lokho oyikhweleyo, futhi uhlole amathuba akho ukuze uthole okufanayo. Zama ukuthola ukuthi yiziphi izimo ongayifinyelela kulo mphumela. Uma lokhu kudinga imfundo eyengeziwe, oxhumana nabo bezentengiselwano noma ukubukeka okuhle kakhulu, uzovuma, konke lokhu kusemandleni akho.
Manje yehla ebhizinisini. Hlukanisa uhlaka lwephepha zibe ngamakholomu amabili. Eyokuqala, khetha ukuthi yini eyenza ube nemona. Yenza uhlelo lwesenzo ngesinyathelo ngesinyathelo bese ulubeka kukholomu yesibili. Nokho, kubalulekile ukugxeka izifiso zakho. Ekugcineni, akukho tricks angeke ikusize ukuba uthole ukukhula noNaw Campbell. Yiba namaqiniso!
Uma amaphupho akho asesibindi esikhulu, kunezindlela ezimbili zokubekezelela isimo. Owokuqala ukugxila ezinhlangothini zakho zokuwina, ngokuyeka ukuqhathaniswa nomuntu. Okwesibili, ngokungaqondakali, indlela ka-Ellochka the Cannibal, ngenkathi umqondo wokunqoba "i-Vanderbildih evunyelwe" kwakudingeka kuphela ukulungisa umlenze echwebeni laseShanghai. Futhi kusukela kulolu qhinga oluyinqaba, khona-ke uyajabula. Futhi ngenkathi sibheka u-Ellochka njengengqondo yokungena okungenangqondo, "izazi zengqondo, ngendlela, zihlabelela lesi sibonelo se-plastic psyche nomona omuhle.
Uma unqotshwa umona omnyama, kufanelekile ukuzama ukuphoqa imizwelo futhi uqondise inkambo yokucabanga ngendlela ewusizo. Cabanga ukuthi imoto entsha yomngane wakho yabiwe. Nguwe ozozuza kulokhu? Kodwa esikhathini esidlule ungathembela emotweni yakhe uma kunesidingo. Yebo, kuzwakala sengathi kuyinkimbinkimbi. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukuze siphume emikhondweni yemizwa engathandeki kithi futhi sihambe ngendlela yabo yokuzimela, kufanelekile ukwenza imishanguzo enjalo eqondile. Futhi ukumisa okungapheli, ziqhathanise wena nabanye, kaningi kubhekisela kulabo abathanda ukuthi ungubani.