Mayelana nokuthi isehlukaniso sithinta kanjani abashadile kunombono omkhulu wemibono. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuba ushade futhi uma uhlukanisa ngokwengeziwe, kufanele ucabange okungenani izikhathi eziyishumi.
Izici zokuhlukanisa
Izinhlobo eziyinhloko zethonya lesahlukaniso emshadweni zixhomeke ezintweni eziholela ekuhlukaniseni:
- Isimo sengqondo sokuhlukana ngabashade (ukungathathi hlangothi, okubi, okubuhlungu);
- Izici zesahlukaniso, isibonelo, ukuma kwawo, ukujula, ubude, inani labahlanganyeli abahilelekile enkambweni yokuhlukanisa (abangane, abathandi, abazali, izingane);
- Uhlangothi lomsebenzi nokuhlukaniswa kwempahla ngesikhathi sesahlukaniso (inkinga yokuhlukanisa isikhala esiphilayo);
- Ithonya lezimiso zokuziphatha (impilo yomunye womlingani, isimo somzwelo, ubudala, inkinga yokuthi ngubani ozoba nezingane).
Ukuthinta abashade ngokuphathelene nobulili okungalingani
Kwakuvame ukucatshangwa ukuthi owesifazane kunzima kakhulu ukusinda isehlukaniso, ngokungafani nendoda. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi kunzima kakhulu kunenekazi ukukhulisa ingane eyodwa, ukuthola umsebenzi ngemali eyaneleyo, ukudala umndeni omusha, njll. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, izazi zengqondo zathola umbono wokuthi indoda idinga umndeni ngaphezu kowesifazane.
Indoda emva kokuhlukanisa inethuba eliphakeme lokuphinde ishade, kodwa abameleli abahlukunyeziwe abanobulili obunamandla abakwazi ukuthola umngane omusha. Ithonya lenqubo yesehlukaniso linciphisa kakhulu isabelomali sesilisa, ngaphezu kwalokho, indoda ibhekene nokulimala okukhulu kokuziphatha okuhambisana nokucindezeleka ngenxa yokuthi ayikwazi ukubona izingane. Ngemva kokulahlekelwa indima yakhe ngemuva kokuhlukanisa, lo muntu uzama ukungabonakali okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe noma ngabe uqale isehlukaniso, usabhekana nokubhujiswa. Konke lokhu kuncike esikhathini sobude emshadweni kanye nezinga lokuzikhethela lokulawula ngesikhathi sokushiya le ndima.
Owesifazane osesikhathini esinjalo uqala ukuzizwa engenakho uthando futhi azibeke icala. Ubhekene nobunzima obungokomzwelo ngokwengeziwe, kodwa ngokushesha kufika ekulinganeni kwengqondo. Ngendlela, ngokwemibono yezenhlalakahle, abesifazane abahlukanisile banesimo esiphansi sezenhlalakahle kunomfazi oshadile. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, ekuqaleni abantu abaseduze baqala ukusekela owesifazane, bese bezihlukanisa nayo, okwenza kube nomuzwa wokuthi isizungu futhi kungabangela ukucindezeleka.
Le ndoda, ngokuyisikhathi, ivala ngaphakathi kwayo, bese "iphuma" ngomzwelo wokunganeliseki isikhathi eside. Amadoda athambekele ekubeni namathuba amaningi okuzikhohlwa (ukuzijabulisa, utshwala, ezemidlalo). Ngokuvamile, "ukuphunyuka okuvela kuwe" okunjalo kungadonsela phambili. Ngamanye amazwi, ukujula konke kwemiphumela yesehlukaniso kulabo abashadile kuxhomeke ekungalindelekeni kwalenqubo. Lowo owanikezwa ukuhlukanisa uthola ukulimala okukhulu.
Imibono emisha empilweni
Kulabo abashade nabo kuyisici sokunganaki indima yomuntu siqu empini, ukulahla zonke izinsolo komunye. Kodwa okwanele ngokwanele futhi ekwazi ukuhlola ngokucophelela isimo abantu benza iziphetho ezifanele kusuka ekuhlulekeni kwangaphambilini futhi baziphathe emshadweni wesibili, uma kwenzeka, ngokuhlakanipha nangokweqile.
Amadoda, emshadweni wokuqala obenomuntu oshade naye ngokomzwelo, owayehlale efuna ukunakekelwa okuningi, ngoba umshado wesibili, njengombuso, khetha umngane onokuthula futhi onesizotha. Noma, lawo madoda ashada nowesifazane onakekelayo ngokweqile, ngenxa yokugcinwa njalo nokuzizwa njengengane, azokukhetha lowo wesifazane njengomfazi omusha obuthakathaka ngokwengqondo futhi udinga yena ekunakekeleni nasekunakekeleni. Lokhu kuzokuvumela lo muntu ukuba azizwe ekhulile futhi ahlakulele kuye umqondo wemfanelo, engafanele ngaphambili.
Izinzuzo zokungena emshadweni omusha zisekelwe eqinisweni lokuthi ngaphansi kwethonya lezigameko ezenzeke, bobabili abashadile abangeke basebenzise ubudlelwane babo "othandweni" lokuthandana nokuthandana, futhi babone konke okuningi ngokweqile. Ngendlela, ekhumbula konke ukufutheka ukuthi isiphetho somshado wokuqala siletha, kokubili owesifazane nendoda bayajabula kakhulu ngazo zonke izikhathi ezinhle abangazinikeza umshado wesibili. Ngakho-ke, bazama ukuyigcina ngokugcwele futhi bathole injabulo egcwele kuyo.