Lapha umshado nomndeni ungaboniswa njengamaqembu amancane "avaliwe", kanti nakwamanye amazwe, "ukungena kuvinjelwe". Kuyiqiniso ukuthi ekutadisheni ubudlelwane bomndeni kunzima ukulandelela lokho empeleni okwabangele isimo sokungqubuzana.
Ukucabangela okuncane, singaphetha ngokuthi izizathu zokuthi kukhona ukuxabana komndeni, ngokungangabazeki, kakhulu.
Umbhangqwana oshadile angeke ube nezinkinga ngokuqondene nomcebo. Kodwa-ke, uma abashadile bengenayo njalo imizwelo emihle nokuqiniseka okucacile ukuthi omunye umlingani womshado ulungele ukusekela wonke umuntu kukho konke, ingxabano kungenzeka. Uma omunye umuntu engakwazi ukusiza nokusiza ukunqoba ubunzima bokuphila obuhlukahlukene (ngisho noma engangabazi ukuthi izinkinga zizonqotshwa) - lokhu kungenye insizakalo yengxabano enkulu.
Uma kungekho ukwaneliseka obuseduze, ekugcineni (ngisho noma umshado ungahambisani), omunye wabashadile unesibindi sokuphila, ukungabi nokuphila okusebenzayo nokusebenza okuphezulu, umsebenzi wokudala - konke lokho kuzoholela ekuxabaneni emndenini ngeminye imiphumela noma eminye imiphumela, isehlukaniso, njengoba ukubusa. Okubi nakakhulu, ngeke kube khona isahlukaniso, ngoba, isibonelo, omunye wabashade abona ekulondolozeni umndeni umsebenzi wabo kubantfwana abancane, kodwa ngabe luhlobo luni lomndeni uma lungenalo ukuvumelana nokuthanda, ukuqonda kanye nokusondelana abashade ...
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izizathu, bonke bathi abashadile abanalo into esemqoka - ukwaneliseka emshadweni, konke ukuphelelana kobudlelwane bomndeni nokuthola injabulo kukho konke lokhu.
Ake sibheke izizathu zokuthi kungani ukuxabana komndeni ngezizathu ezijulile kuvame ukuvela. Emva kwakho konke, ngokuvamile bayigumbi lesahlukaniso noma ukuqhubeka nokubekezela kokuphila ndawonye.
Isizathu sokuqala umzwelo wokungaphansi, ukuphulwa, umlingani wakho phambi komunye.
Izingxabano eziningi zivela ngesisekelo sokuzihlonipha okuphansi, ukubaluleka kwayo, ukubaluleka komqondo othi "Ngingumhlaba" (ungangqubuzani ne "ego"). Noma yimuphi umuntu uzokhathazeka kakhulu lapho kuphazamiseka izimpikiswano zesithunzi sakhe siqu, lapho enqatshelwe inhlonipho, lapho, ekugcineni, uphathwa nje ngaphandle kwenhlonipho efanele.
Uma omunye wabashade ezwa sengathi uhlezi, ephula isigamu sabo, lokhu ngokuqinisekile kuyokwenza imizwelo emibi emndenini futhi ngokuyinhloko iphenduke ukunganeliseki, ukuntuleka kwemizwa emihle phakathi kwabantu ababili. Ukungahleleki kuyobe kubonakala ku-caress, ububele bomshado nomunye nomunye, kumnakekela (yena) futhi nakanjani ekunakekeleni nasekufundiseni izingane zabo. Ukuhlukaniswa kwengqondo phakathi kwabantu abashadile kuqala ngokuzihlonipha okuphansi komunye womlingani, ngamazwi abalulekile ngokuthi ungubani umlingani wabo. Ngakho-ke, ukuvumelana komndeni, ukuzinza kokuphila, ukuqinisekiswa ngokweqile kuphukile futhi, ngokuphambene, umuzwa wokungabi nalutho nokubaluleka komunye umuntu ukhula. Lezi zenzakalo ziholela eqinisweni lokuthi emshadweni, umuntu akakwazi ukuzibiza njengomuntu obalulekile kumlingani wakhe. Esikhundleni salokho, ngokuphambene nalokho, uqala ukuzizwa engathandeki kwengqondo emndenini wakhe, kukhona umuzwa wokuvimbela, ukungavikeleki ezenzweni zakhe, hhayi ikhono lokuthola indlela yokuphila kwansuku zonke (umndeni). Ulahlekelwe umuzwa wenkxaso evela kumkakhe (umkami), futhi kamuva kungenzeka kusuka endaweni yakhe, umuzwa wokubambisana nokuvikeleka.
Umyeni uvame ukuma umuntu ovele ecela noma mhlawumbe aze athandazele ukusondelana, okuyinto evumela umfazi ukuba azizwe ngamandla akhe phezu komyeni wakhe, ukuba enyukele esihlalweni sobukhosi. Njengoba ukuphakama okunjalo njengokuzizwa "njengendlovukazi", kuye ngokuthi isimo sakhe sengqondo singamdonsela phansi kumyeni wakhe, simjabulise ngesinqumo sakhe, noma sizimisele ukuyeka izimangalo "ezingalungile".
Indoda engayazi yonke imininingwane yobudlelwane bomshado bomshado (emva kwakho konke, lokhu kuyisimo esiseduze, esiyimfihlo yabantu ababili, akunjalo) akulula ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umuntu oshade naye engabonakali ngempela ngengqondo noma ngomkhwenyana wesifazane ngokuzihlambalaza okunjalo ubheka wakhe, mhlawumbe umyeni onelungelo elinamakhono futhi. Umqondo wokuzimela, ukuzibheka komuntu ebuhlotsheni obunjalo kuphazamiseka usuku nosuku, okuncipha kancane kancane izinga lokushisa emndenini womndeni, kufaka ubuhlobo obufudumele nokubala okubandayo. Yiqiniso, isimo esinjalo asikwazi ukuhlala isikhathi eside, ngoba ngamunye wethu akakwazi ukwamukela lesi simo esingathandeki kuye ngokungapheli. Kuzobangela ingxabano emisha emshadweni kanye nokuhlukana komndeni okulandelayo.
Esinye isici sokuxabana komndeni esivela enhlabathini esondelene nokubukeka komama wesifazane ngokuzondeka ngokomzimba, hhayi ukwaneliseka njengoba kufanele kube.
Kule nkinga, umbhede we-conjugal ungowesifazane into efana nendawo yokuhlushwa. Yiqiniso, ukuzonda isenzo socansi somkakhe kudluliselwa kumyeni, okuyiqiniso ukuthi uyayidinga. Futhi oshade naye uhlala ngamazinyo asohlisiwe, enomuzwa ohlala njalo wokuba yisisulu (ngenxa yokwesaba isizungu, umuzwa wokuzibophezela ezinganeni), noma ngisho nokuphika umyeni wakhe esondelene naye. Yiqiniso, emndenini, imiphumela yalesi simo iphinde ibuhlungu. Umphumela onjalo uzovela ngisho nangokwenyama (nangokwengqondo, futhi) ukungakwazi komyeni ukwanelisa umkakhe.
Asikwazi ukungazinaki into enjengokuzikhukhumeza embhedeni.
Kumelwe kusetshenziswe ngokukhethekile. Khumbula, ikamelo lokulala aliyona indawo yokulwa. Qonda zonke izingxabano kusengaphambili.
Ngaphezu kwalokhu, ubulili akufanele baphathwe njengento efanele (lokhu kwenzeka kaningi ngisho). Sithola umfanekiso. Wayefuna isinkwa, wavula isiqandisisi, wenza isangweji ngesivinini, wageza itiye noma i-soda. Cha, ukufaniswa lapha kufanele kulandelwe ngomqondo ohlukile. Ubulili kufanele bufane ne-candlelight dinner ekhangayo, kuphela kuleli cala lo mbhangqwana awusoze waba nesithukuthezi ndawonye.
Ukungafani kwemibono yabesilisa nabesifazane, ukungqubuzana ngezizathu ezijulile, nokuphila komshado kwansuku zonke - konke lokhu kuyimvelo futhi kubudlelwane obuvumelana kakhulu. Kodwa kunoma yikuphi, ukulungiswa kwemvelo, okunengqondo kwempi kungaba umusa noma ukuxabana. Lokhu kufanele kuqondwe kanjani?
Ngomusa ekuphileni komndeni, into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuvumelanisa ubudlelwane, kanti ukuphikisana akubheki iqiniso noma ubudlelwane obuhle, kodwa ngesifiso sokuziveza, ukuvela ngokuphumelelayo, ukuthi ngenxa yalokho, umshado nokugcwala komndeni womndeni kungagcinwa. Nakuba siye sabona izici ezimbili ezibangela ukuxazulula ubudlelwane bomshado ngcono, kufanele kukhunjulwe ukuthi ukuphikisana akuyona isisombululo senkinga, njengoba kungenjalo, kuyodambisa lobu buhlobo. Ukuziphatha okuhle kunazo zonke emndenini kuwuhlobo lobuhlobo "obunothando," oluphakeme kakhulu kunesikhundla "Ngihlala ngilungile, kodwa awunjalo." Ubuhlobo obuphikisanayo buvusa kuphela ukungqubuzana, kodwa futhi akuyikuyixazulula. Emndenini lapho kukhona ukuqonda isiko esinjalo sempilo yomndeni, impilo emisha futhi emnandi ishadile kungenzeka.
Futhi, noma kunjalo, uma omunye wabashade, ngenxa yokulondoloza uthando emndenini wanquma ukuya endleleni yesibili - ukuxabana, ukufakazela "ukuthi ngiqinisile," lapha kufanele sisebenzise ngokunzima ukuphikisana njengesihlobo senkambiso, okuyisisekelo esingakwazi ukuxazulula isimo sezingxabano. Futhi akukho okuyinkimbinkimbi kulokhu. Kubalulekile, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngokucacile (ukucabanga, uma uthanda) ukuveza umbono womuntu ngaphandle kokucasula umlingani ngokukhulisa izwi lakhe, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukwazi ukubona ukuthi umlingani wakhe ulungile, ukuze akwazi ukulalela lokhu kulungile. Futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, akudingeki ukuthi kwenzeke lokho okubizwa ngokuthi "hamba kumuntu", khombisa "i-ego" yakho, ubeke icala, noma ngaphezulu, ukucasula. Abantu abashadile kufanele baqaphele ukuba bangabi nemicabango emibi, ngisho nangenkambiso yokuphikisana, babonise inhlonipho komunye nomunye, khumbula ukuthi ngamunye wabo unomsebenzi wokuthi "angaziphakamisi ngokwabo", futhi aphumelele ekunqobeni ukuphikisana nganoma yiziphi izindleko, kodwa eze eqinisweni, okungukuthi. kwisisombululo esithokozela bobabili babo. Kulokhu kudingeka ukwazi ukulalela "umphikisi wakho", zama ukuqonda isikhundla sakhe, futhi, eqinisweni, ukwazi ukuhlala endaweni yakhe, ulalele izingxabano zakho "ngezindlebe zakhe," ngamanye amazwi, ulalelisane kakhulu.
Futhi wokugcina.
Zibuze: "Iyini injabulo yokuphila komkhaya, futhi injabulo elula yomuntu?"
Mhlawumbe ucabanga kahle, impendulo ilula - yebo, uthando, ukwethemba, isisa, isifiso, ukuqaphela ukuthi awusizo usizo, kodwa ngubani odingayo futhi okwazi ukusiza abanye abantu, ukuthola usizo ngokubuyisela. Ngicabanga konke. Lapha ungakwazi ukwengeza ukulondeka kwempahla yomndeni, impilo yabashadile futhi ekugcineni, izikhathi eziningi eziningi ezimnandi ezichitha ndawonye.
Ekuphileni okwabiwe, hlukanisa konke okuyingxenye: kokubili usizi nenjabulo, ngoba wena - ama-halves amabili lapho umuntu egcwele khona.